The Long River in sadness has been stagnant
1. 著名的专有名词的译法不要随意,要么按俗成的去译,要么按国家标准译,如果都自译,就没人知道它指的是什么。如果按自己的方法把Trump译成特目普谁知道你说谁呢?长江的俗成译法是 The Yangtze River,国家的标准译法是Chang Jiang。
2. has been stagnant表示完成,完成以后现在怎样了呢?我们通常说 I am fine,表示我目前很好。如果我们说I have been fine,我们则是说“到目前为止我都不错”,接下来如何,就不知道了。
Three thousand miles (away) thinking of when shall return
1. 谁thinking?是Three thousand miles (away)?这个句子缺主语。
2. thinking后跟的是when引导的句子,不用加of,可直接说thinking when + 句子
3. when 后应该是主语,即when I shall return;现在没有主语,就要说when to return
4. three thousand miles away 它在句中什么成分?
Yet it belongs to a night with so fierce winds,
1. it belongs to a night是中式英语,应该是it is a night
2. a night of fierce winds,而不是a night with fierce winds
Yellow leaves are swirling from mountain to mountain
1. “山山黄叶飞”是山山都有自己的黄叶在飞,而不是一山的黄叶飞到另一山(are swirling from mountain to mountain)。
一亩诗人原译:
Among the Mountains
By Wang Bo
(Translated by Yimusanfendi)
The Long River in sadness has been stagnant
Three thousand miles (away) thinking of when shall return
Moreover belongs to a night with so fierce winds,
Yellow leaves are swirling over mountain and mountain
山中
王勃
长江悲已滞, 万里念将归。 况属高风晚, 山山黄叶飞。
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不同的翻译原则造成译文不同。
我翻译时坚持的原则之一是宁拙勿巧,拙信胜巧雅。
以下为徐英才教授译
(来源小贝壳,谢谢)
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On the Hills
Wang Bo
(徐英才译)
The Yangtze River halts in woe,
My remote home haunts my thoughts, though.
On such a night, the wind whines by,
Above each hill yellow leaves fly.