故事讲完了。俺这条虫看得很起劲！
打字太慢，而且俺最近瞎忙得厉害，就让俺用英文j简单写写，真的快很多。。。
A few quick comments.
1. You have amzing ability weaving complex themes and scenes,
psychology, and feelings seemlessly, not to mention incredible
facility in Chinese language and vocabulary.
2. The imagination, and the visual descriptions are truly impressive.
Sometimes I feel this can almost serve as the basis for a script of a
movie as written.
However, I am disappointed with this work based what I saw
so far. A few points were already commented upon (e.g, lack of details and
texture, lack of character development, lack of purpose).
I think it is a great idea to use a young age (such as 12) as a
device, as it has the potential to reveal a different and perhaps
strange world from that of the grown ups, and perahaps only exist
dimly in our memory. It can be potentially very revealing. This idea
was used by a number of authors to great effects (eg. Gunter Grass,
and the recently deceased Carlos Fuentes).
However, the fiction as written is rendered in a very grown-up way.
It seems to me that a reader was shoved grown-up stuff down his/her
throat as baby food, in a very hastily fashion. It simply does not
work for me.
I can think of a number of issues unexplored. What are the children's
perspectives or responses that are different from grown-ups in a very
Machiavelli world? Or, what were the truth, reality to 12-years old,
and how their reactions differ (dramatically) from the expectations of
grown ups, while making great sense for kids of that age. How different states of
existence were percieved and decisions were made accordingly in ways different from that of adults (not just
copycat what grown-ups do) by hormone raged young adults, and why this
reveal our human nature better.
Ultimately, one would hope the 12-year old world can illuminate our
world with some insight, or commoent on something special or
interesting that is otherwise neglected. I do not think piled up
tragedies or miseries per se are it, though!
I have great respect and expectation for your work, and I think I may
be witnessing a major writer emerging. In any case, my opinion is
just mine, which should not hinder any of your creative processes. As
a friend who shares commen interests in visual things, I look forward
seeing more of your work!
