I recommend a book called The Dance of Anger

by Harriet Lerner (a very popular book on understanding our anger and gaining personal strength through soul searching and perseverance.

This sounds like a very difficult problem. No one understands the situation as well as you do and, at the end of the day, you and your children will be the ones who experience the result of your decisions.

Try to look at the situation as a learning experience:
- How long have I lived like this? -- not being able to have my own choice
- What has it been doing to me? Do I suffer low self-esteem? Depression? Anxiety?
- How much is it within my power to influence my children's life in a positive way?
-...

Only when you fully realize your helplessness in changing another person, can you start to process the harder feelings of understanding your own fears and uncertainties about life; how you might have depended on him to provide a sense of wholeness and direction (albeit at the expense of yourself); and how difficult it is to be responsible for your own feelings.

Only then, will you be motivated to do some difficult work towards self growth, making choices for your highest good and your children.

It will be difficult, but rewarding. The immediate result might not be somehow convincing him or manipulate the situation to get what you want. But it is worth everything to take small yet steady steps to bring your self up, as well as your children.

That's the only sure way I see to help yourself for all kinds of situations in the future: money, children educations, aging parents,...

Life coaches can help, but only you can decide who you are, what you truly want and what you are not willing to give up...