You do a lot for her. You need to be appreciated for your effort. You deserve gratitude from her.
But at the same time, you're not valuing yourself. You need OTHERS to value you. When you do that, i.e., needing to be valued, you relinquish power to others.
At a deeper level, you're not taking responsibility for yourself; you left that to others.
Your daughter feels that burden and the power that goes with it. By complaining, she unloads that burden back to you and at the same time, enjoys the power she has over you.
She is not taking responsibility for herself, just as you are not with yours.
You know your value as a mother for her. You don't need her acknowledgment to know how much valuable that is for her. Just do what needs done. Don't seek her, or anyone else's, approval. You take up the responsibility for your own physical and mental wellbeing.
Don't like the gift? "A lot of care and thoughts went into selecting the gift. Acknowledge that and express your appreciation first. That's only a decent thing to do." The rest is small.
(On your being short tempered, the issue at hand is often just a trigger. The dissatisfaction has long been simmering.)
