Tomorrows weather seems to have a lot of precipitation. Be prepared for heavy rain of flesh. Fist sized chunks of flesh are expected to rain from the sky. Our sources are unsure of where the flesh is actually coming from, but the general consensus is that it will be human flesh. Be sure to wear blood proof clothing or red clothing and prepare for soft blows to the head.
It seems that we are running out of time. The sun is rising over LOCATION NAME-forest, and the (incoherent) of the trees look like a (incoherent) beast. It is time for us to sign out, but remember folks: It is impossible to unring a bell.