Consider a theoretical company called Tryna AF. Tryna AF offers a prep class for first dates with, I don’t know, famous attractive investment bankers who can sing, dance, make $130K a year, and talk to cats. Tryna AF teaches you how to say hi, sneeze, and drink water in a fashion that will most certainly secure you a second date. In fact, Tryna AF even provides fake famous attractive investment bankers so you can practice your first-date skills. You block out an hour each Saturday to have a date with a fraudling, then reflect upon your experience and improve for the next time around. And then you finish Tryna AF’s course, make a Tinder account, and hunt down your target. You secure a first date with Flavius the Third. (Flavius the Third’s gender is a Schrödinger’s cat scenario.) Thanks to your training with Tryna AF, you secure a second date. And BOOM NEXT DAY YOU’RE MARRIED AND YOU’RE HAVING A BABY NAMED FLAVIUS THE FOURTH AND YOU’VE SCORED THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS AND IT DOESN’T GET ANY BETTER EXCEPT-
Being married to Flavius the Third means a lot more than saying hi, sneezing, and drinking water. Suddenly this is a lot more work than you expected. Suddenly it’s a lot more work than you can handle. AND. Flavius the Third snores like a goddamn hippie didgeridoo convention.
(That very last part is largely irrelevant to the metaphor. I just felt like Flavius deserved some more character development.)
