谢谢网友推荐的一本好书： How to Talk So kids Will Listen

中国有句话，说话是门艺术。今天看了这本书，很有启发。

书里有个例子，如果你老板让你下班前完成一项任务，而你在上班期间有很多事去处理，把老板交代的工作给忘了。老板很不高兴，骂了你。你一肚子委屈，这时你遇到朋友，就把这事说给朋友听，

朋友的反应有八种：

1.Denial of Feelings:

There's no reason to be upset. It's foolish to feel that way. You're probably just tired and blowing the whole thing out of proportion. It can't be as bad as you make it out to be. Come on, smile... you look so nice when you smile.

2.The Philosophical response:

Look, life is like that. Things don'talways turn out the way we want. You have to learn to take things in stride. In this world, nothing is perfect.

3.Advice:

You know what I think you should do? Tomorrow morning go straight to your boss's office and say, 'Look, I was wrong.' Then sit right down and finish that piece of work you neglected today. Don't get trapped by those little emergencies that come up. And if you're smart and you want to keep that job of yours, you'll make sure nothing like that ever happens again.

4.Questions:

What exactly were those emergencies you had that would cause you to forget a special request from your boss? Didn't you realize he'd be angry if you didn't get to it immediately? Has the ever happened before? Why didn't you follow him when he left the room and try to explain again?...

5.Defence of the otehr person:

I can understand your boss's reaction. He's probably under terrible pressure. You're lucky he doesn't lose his temper more often.

6. Pity:

Oh, you poor thing. That is terrible! I feel so sorry for you, I could just cry.

 

7.Amateur Psychoanalysis:

Has it ever occurred to you that the real reason you're so upset by this is because your employer represents a father figure in your life? As a child you probably worried about displeasing your father, and when your boss scolded you it brought back your early fears of rejection. Isn't that true?

8. An empathic response ( an attempt to turn into the feelings of another):

Boy, that sounds like a rough expereince. To be subjected to an attack like that in front of other people, especially after having been under so much pressure, must have been pretty hard to take!

作者说她自己的感觉：When I'm upset or hurting, the last thing I want to hear is advice, philosophy, psychology, or the other fellow's point of view. That kind of talk makes me only feel worse than before. Pity leaves me feeling pitiful, questions put me on the defensive, and most infuriating of all is to hear that I have no reason to feel what I am feeling. My overriding reaction to most of these responses is "Oh, forget it... what's the point of going on?"

大人感觉尚且如此，对待孩子该如何说话，真要好好看看这本书，父母常犯的错误就是否定孩子的感觉。

记不住是哪位网友推荐的了，在此谢谢。

 

 

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• 请问哪里有？ -帅帅娘- ♀ (0 bytes) () 03/18/2012 postreply 19:27:17

• 这里 -伊敏- ♀ (257 bytes) () 03/18/2012 postreply 19:37:08