how much I should pay to my son

Dear all,

I need your suggestions.

It has been a long story.

My son is going to UIUC this year, got 12k schorlarship. Buecause of out of state, we are facing 35k-37k/year.

I am a single mom, 70k/year, almost 50,  I only have this job  for a few years(came to abroad in early 2000, but stayed at school most of the time, did not have much retirement savings either). I promised to support him 10k/year. is this reasonable?

My ex, 51, in beijng, He is a very high rank person in a publishing house in Beijing, make 360-380k rmb/yr.  my ex will pay 10k-12kUS/year. But he did not pay the child support since this Jan. (2000rmb/m), when I asked him, he said, 'we are not american, we have chinese values, we do things in chinese way, the more frequent you ask for the payment, the more delay we will make it'.

My ex, including his wife(about 32 age), talked to my son that I should pay more, they said, what was your mom saving money for if she does not spend it on you? 

I did not agree my son to go to UIUC, I rather him go to a state univeristy(kankas univerity), but mY son and his dad firmly believe that this 35-37k is a worthy investment. What was funny was that both my ex and his wife told my son that I were short sighted to suggest the instate unversity. My ex even told to my son, that 'me, by not paying more, act like a step mom, not an biology mom.'  What a hassassment to me, by a seemingly decent, high level person in Beijing!

With all those gossips, my son also believe that I should pay more than 10k/yr to him.

Yesterday, my looked at his finicial aid in the website of UIUC, he can only get 5000 dollar loans, rest of it is parents loan. I am not planning to take the loan, because my son will go back to china after he finish his education(may be master level), he does not like US. 

I feel burned, strssed with all the pressures go on. Has anyong enountered situation like me?  

Thanks for reading. Please provide me some suggestions.

所有跟帖： 

• 你有个极品前老公。。带点铊回去，给他现在的老婆吃了就好。 -baydad- ♂ (29 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 09:21:12

• 100%是.自己儿子的教育费还要压榨前妻,太恐怖了.这孩子也不懂事. -香香生煎馒头- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 11:38:17

• 觉得以你得情况，出1万很合理。把你的财政情况和决定告诉你儿子，让他爸和他 -蜜瓜- ♀ (23 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 09:51:14

• 美国很多孩子都是靠贷款和那奖学金支持自己读书的，建议你还是按自己的能力出，别听别人怎么说 -臭臭妈妈- ♀ (258 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 10:37:38

• 同意臭臭妈，告诉他们你能出多少，告诉你儿子你的想法。其他的就留给前老公解决。回复：how much I should pay t -xianguangguang- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 11:10:47

• 你孩子和EX做得太过分了.告诉孩子多少是你的极限,其他不管.他要闹,让他(孩子)去闹.他有能耐,爬藤呀. -香香生煎馒头- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 11:35:13

• 可怜天下父母心 -laoyangdelp- ♀ (121 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 12:23:12

• 从他爹的收入来看，他也付不了更多。 -hobo-hobo- ♀ (256 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 12:24:17

• why？三百多万的收入还付不出更多的？ --realblue-- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 13:47:38

• 你多数了个零。我以为就我容易弄错呢。 -乌龟大师- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 13:50:10

• 真的嘿。刚才还在想，这publishing house 跟华街有一拼。 --realblue-- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 14:23:06

• 让你儿子贷款啊, 你收入不多, 他可以拿到贷款, 也可以拿到助学金的. -ca2004- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 12:27:25

• 儿子是国际学生吧？你sponse him, 他可以贷款 -laoyangdelp- ♀ (51 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 12:30:00

• To me, it seems the real issue here is -突破分球- ♀ (795 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 12:44:10

• 7万块工资还要出1万块学费，孩子不懂事。前夫不要去管他，你也管不了。 -Manymore- ♀ (103 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 13:04:22

• 有绿卡么？有，联邦政府的loan以学生自己名义借贷，开始若干是无息，之后低息。 -乌龟大师- ♀ (354 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 13:46:16

• 没有绿卡比较麻烦。 -乌龟大师- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 13:47:42

• 还是上州立吧， 这种情况，就是父母未离共同奋斗，都不一定搞定。 -猛牛- ♀ (341 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 13:59:27

• 她那儿子回了中国，老娘钱不多，前夫一教唆，恐怕以后不太会认娘。 -Manymore- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 15:08:28

• 把感情问题放一边，先算一下，你最多给多少，其他让儿子自己决定。 -凤姐虎弟- ♀ (105 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 14:12:47

• 同意这位Mom的打算。几点建议： -注册笔名123- ♂ (458 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 14:28:49

• 'we are not american, we have chinese values', 问你儿子, 以后养老也是chine -ca2004- ♀ (52 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 14:31:05

• he -雨儿- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 17:44:44

• 和儿子好好谈谈 -雨儿- ♀ (890 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 18:01:44

• 这不就解决了吗? 你们每个给2万, 学校给1万多. 剩下的他自己抗, -说不完的家务事- ♀ (196 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 18:05:38

• 这还不简单,你们三个一人出一万就行了, -adazheng- ♀ (46 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 18:23:51

• 如果是我，我会竭尽所能帮儿子，儿子的决定都会支持，同时不要对儿子评介儿子的父亲， -青春不在乎- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 19:17:46

• 和你孩子沟通，你为他大学出的每1分钱都是对他好，是爱心不是义务。他不应认为你一定要出，还嫌出少了。 -亦芸10- ♀ (139 bytes) () 05/07/2011 postreply 20:22:19

• 你们把各自的income代入大学的计算公式里，分开计算各自要负担多少。 -yundao- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/08/2011 postreply 08:52:37