美国文青/中评诗

来源: 颤音于 2021-01-13 08:16:52 [档案] [博客] [旧帖] [给我悄悄话] 本文已被阅读：次 (2778 bytes)

from allpoetry.com

当然一般是礼貌性的，不过还是有些有意思的，评的都是我贴的。

Oh my Shangri-La

On that smothering summer day in Louisiana,
I breathed as I were in Shangri-La.
You left me behind for a weeklong tour,
to that lost mountain paradise.
I greeted your return as I endure,
all my fervor in disguise.
But my eyes speak love!
But my eyes plead love!
Oh my Shangri-La,
still dwells in Louisiana.

On that smothering summer day in Louisiana,
I breathed as I were in Shangri-La.
I was blinded by your skin,
fair and milky.
I was numbed by your chin,
velvety and silky.
But my heart sees love!
But my heart feels love!
Oh my Shangri-La,
still dwells in Louisiana.

-Wonderful poem. Perhaps one of the best I ever read here. So much emotion
and depth, and it reads so well. Thank you for sharing.

受宠若惊，不过真丢人，俺不懂诗里的depth是啥。

When time bypasses

Rain falls, day by day.
River flows, night by night.
Meteors born and burn in Milky Way.
Dawn meets dusk in dwindling twilight.
My hairs fade, grey and gray.
But Time carries on, light and bright.
But time kindly bypassed that day-
I fell for you at first sight.

- Your style is engaging. Repetition of words gave emphasis and imagery.
This poem is short but it is meaningful.

真的 engage 了？

Cross

I see sins,
I see virtues,
they are closer than they seem.
I carry virtues,
I carry sins,
are they meant to redeem?

Clever work and detailed at best. Strong line length. Keep writing!

又没懂，这么短，有 detail？ line length？

The world is a bowl of chilled soup.
I am a stainless fork.
Life is a car climbing the steep hill.
Am I a roaring force of torque?
Love is a standing bottle of vintage wine.
I am an oak cork.
Death is blind to the humble and royal.
Am I a white rose of York?

- It has a settled artistry approach, lots of fantastic word play!

Nicely penned

又没懂，啥是settled artistry approach？感觉挺高大上的。