认真讨论下。为啥强烈天然相爱的人们非得出墙偷情呢？不好吧？

几条心得。读的是一个姓海牙的荷兰海牙人上上个世纪写的“一个不成功的发明”，讲婚姻制度的。

心得之一：人们结婚，因为需要爱
“Our contacts are many, our relationships few: Our lives, externally crowed, often are internally isolated; we remain but tenuously linked to each other and our ties come easily undone. One feels lonely surrounded by crowds and machines in an unbounded, abstrat world that has become morally unintelligible; and we have so much time now to feel lonely in. Thus one longs, perhaps more acutely than in the past, for somebody to be tangibly, individually, and definitely one's own, body and soul. ”

心得之二：爱是“求之不得，寤寐思服”的一种病态
"The troubadours usually took sex and marriage for granted and dealt with love--the newest and still the most surprising and fascinating of all relationships. And also the most unstable."

"Plato described love as a desire for something one does not have, implying that it is a longing, not a fulfillment. But in ancient Greece, love was regarded diffidently, as rather undesirable, an intoxication, a bewitchment, a divine punishment--usually for neglecting sex." 呵呵， ：）

“The troubadours thought differently, although, unlike many moderns, they did not deny that love is a passion, somethign one suffers. But they thought it a sweet suffering to be cultivated, and they celebrated it in song and story.”
哈，其实我中华先人的智慧早已堪破这个寥：所谓伊人，在水一方，顺流逆流，皆求之不得！寤寐思服，辗转反侧，这甜蜜的痛苦的折磨，被吟咏了三千年！

心得之三：情花之毒，以忘忧草解

“We try to cope with this contest by fusing love and sex. (Every high-school student is taught that the two go together.) This, as Freud pointed out, doesn not always succeed and may moderate both, but, as he also implied, it is the best we can hope for. In the words of William Butler Yeats, "Desire dies because every touch consumes the myth and yet, a myth that cannot be consumed becomes a specter..."”
“Yet any fulfillment now must also become a disappointment--a substitute, cheating the longing that wents to long.” （一叹！作者还指出，如此治愈，情花之毒的转化有三种可能：affectionate companionship 即幸福婚姻中的最佳结局； indifference； or hostility. 后面两种，很不好，遇上了，就只能“让软弱的我们懂得残忍，狠狠面对人生每次寒冷～！”
作者在文章后面说：道德判断难做，但是，底线应该是：“not to use others, or even ourselves, merely as a means.”

心得之四： 可治愈，不免疫
最好的结局，爱转化成affectionate companionship. If the relationship is stablilized, love is replaced by other emotions (Marriage thus has often been recommended as the cure for love. But it does not always work.)
"Marital love may grow with knowledge and intimacy and shared experience" 看，这似乎是最好的结局了。
可是，那情花之毒，说不定还会染上，就像染上感冒，哪有什么道理？

心得之五： 拒饮忘忧草，爱而无悔

要保持爱，据说只有保持距离。
“The religious too perpetuate longing by placing the beloved altogether out of physical reach. The "bride of Christ" who retires to a convent longs for her Redeemer--and she will continue to yearn, as long as she lives, for union with a God at once human and divine, incarnating life and love everlasting. In its highest sense, love is a reaching for divine perfection, an act of creation. And always, it is a longing. ”
爱翁在普朗克60岁生日宴会上的讲话《探索的动机》里说：“促使人们去做这种工作的精神状态是同信仰宗教的人或恋爱的人的精神状态相类似的；他们每天的努力并非来自深思熟虑的意向或计划，而是直接来自激情。”
宗教一般的longing,在于，于无穷远处，求之不得。7！

所有跟帖： 

• 耐斯。像原的口气 :) -Glider- ♂ (0 bytes) () 09/29/2009 postreply 09:38:33

• 阿？原是花木兰？！ :) -金色的麦田- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/29/2009 postreply 10:11:23

• 非常智慧胜唐僧， 不顶愧为过路人，心得条条有见地， 合情合理解迷昏。。 -ling1984- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/29/2009 postreply 10:14:38