憨豆先生亲授约会技巧

Rowan Atkinson - Elementary Dating

Good evening, and welcome to the Boston University Huntington Theater for the second part of our course in elementary courting for men. Say how pleased I am with tonight to turn out some 800 people, which is very gratifying. Tonight we look at the first date. Obviously, taking out a girl for the first time is a very complex issue. The first crucial step is having arranged to pick up your date not to look like a complete idiot when she opens the door. Best to look as though your attention has been momentarily distracted. But when you do notice her, it is vital to say how pretty she is looking straightaway. But, don’t overdo it. If at this point you are introduced to her parents, attitude is all important. You can be too casual… You can be too keen… When you say goodbye to the parents, again don’t overdo it. Lead her to your car…and remember to open the door. Once in the car, there are various ways of driving. If you drive like this…. You might lose her respect. But if you drive like this… You should've taken a taxi. Before long you will arrive at the restaurant. Get out of the car… …and escort her to your table. Then tuck her in to her seat…yourself…. …and attract the waiter’s attention. Selecting from the wine list is important. Complete ignorance is not good. When the bottle arrives, there is much to be made of the tasting of it… but, don’t be too professional. With eating, again, moderation is the order of the day. Don’t eat too fast… But don’t eat too slowly. Next is receiving the bill. This is a very important moment. You must be sure not to lose your cool. This is right… This, is wrong… The girl may, of course, offer to pay herself…. In which case, you should refuse. For a while…. The next stop is a fashionable discotheque. Once inside you might look slightly strange if you try to talk over the music. So just stand casually and look sexy. This is good…. This is better… This is starting to be misguided… After stance, dance technique is most important. Most people don’t know how to dance, and so do too much…. Other people do too little… Some people dance as if there is something up their bottom... And other people dance as if there is something coming out of their bottom... When all’s said and done, it’s best probably not to dance at all. The well mimed sporting injury is always useful and a good excuse for leaving the discotheque. If you don't utterly foul it up, 20 minutes later you should be back at your place. It's important to relax and make your guest feel at home. She will probably feel as nervous as you do. And there's no need to make any extra special efforts. Then, putting on the music. We can't help you with the choice of CD, even though, no matter what the circumstances, Donny and Marie Osmond's Greatest Hits would be a mistake. Above all costs, avoid the temptation to brag about your stereo. Now comes the moment you've been waiting for, the seduction. This is the subject of next week’s lecture. However, as a rough guide, this is right…. And this is, I think you’ll agree, disastrous…

晚上好，欢迎来到波士顿大学亨廷顿剧院参加男性基础求爱课程第二讲。今晚有大约800人到场，我感到非常高兴。今天我们讲的是第一次约会。显然，第一次带一个女孩子出去是一件非常复杂的事情。第一个关键步骤是去女孩家里接她，在她打开门时，你不要看上去像个十足的白痴。 最好是看起来临时分散了注意力。 一旦你看到她，一定要直接说出来她有多漂亮。 但是，不要太过了。 如果你被介绍给她父母，你的态度很重要。你也许会漫不经心。。。 你也许会很热烈。。。 向她父母道别时，也不要太过了。 领她上你的车。。。记住给她开车门。 上车后，有几种开车法。如果你这样开车。。。 你可能会失去她对你的尊重。如果你这样开车。。。 你应该改坐出租车。很快，你们就来到饭店了。下车。。。 陪她到餐桌旁，帮她拉椅子。。。你自己。。。 然后招呼侍者。 点一种红酒很重要，不要忽略这一项。 酒上来以后，会有很多关于品酒的话题可谈。。。但是，不要太专业。 吃的时候，再说一次，举止得体要贯彻始终。不要吃得太快。。。 但也不要吃得太慢。。。 买单是非常重要的时刻。你必须保持冷静。这样是对的。。。 这样是错的。。。 对方可能会提出自己付账。。。 你应该拒绝 一小会儿。。。 下一站是时髦的迪斯科舞厅。 进去以后，如果你试图在音乐声中交谈，你会看起来有点奇怪。因此最好放松地站着，并让自己看起来很性感。 这样比较好。。。 这样更好些。。。 这样就有点不对劲了。。。 摆完姿势后，舞技就是最重要的了。大多数人不懂得怎样跳舞，因此动作太大。。。 另外一些则动作太小。。。 有些人跳舞的样子像是有东西在他们的屁股里。。。 而另一些人跳舞的样子像是有东西从他们的屁股里出来了。。。 该说的说了，该做的也做了以后，最好就别再跳下去了。假装自己受了伤永远是一个有效的离开舞厅的借口。如果你没有全搞糟，那么20分钟以后，你应该回到了自己的住所。 要放松，并让你的客人感到自在。她可能和你一样紧张。你并不需要去做额外特别的事情。 然后，放点音乐。我们无法帮你挑CD，当然，不管是任何情形，Donny and Marie Osmond 金曲集都会是一个错误。 无论如何，不要吹嘘你的音响设备。 终于到了你期盼已久的时刻：调情。这个主题我们下个星期讲。 不过，粗略说一下，这样是对的。。。 而这样，我想你们同意，会是灾难性的。。。

所有跟帖： 

• 不好意思，还是没对齐。 -对角线- ♂ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:23:12

• 知识越多越没用 -吾- ♂ (21 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:34:05

• 人的正确思想是从哪里来的？ -吾- ♂ (200 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:37:11

• 哎呀，你搞那么严肃干什么，这是搞笑片嘛。呵呵。 -对角线- ♂ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:39:32

• 哈哈. 老年痴呆的人一般都对小时候的事记得倍儿清楚... -叶泥泥- ♀ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:48:47

• 奏系奏系，他们远期记忆还中，眼吧前儿的撂下奏忘 ：D -黄豆儿- ♀ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:51:35

• 奏系奏系，黄豆儿说的奏系好 ^^ -金色的麦田- ♀ (0 bytes) () 02/16/2009 postreply 05:08:10

• 谢夸奖. -吾- ♂ (21 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:53:06

• 昨儿额刚刚背过 ：P 你刚看过奏忘乐？？ -黄豆儿- ♀ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:50:39

• 哎呀，你搞那么严肃干什么，这不是搞笑嘛。呵呵。 -吾- ♂ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:44:44

• 有一个人是这样念讲话稿的： -对角线- ♂ (111 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:53:06

• 嘿嘿 -吾- ♂ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:54:39

• 还有人说: 林黛玉是个...(翻页)性解放的代表. -叶泥泥- ♀ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:57:39

• 哈哈。 -对角线- ♂ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 18:04:06

• 哈哈。 -对角线- ♂ -吾- ♂ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 19:11:01

• 哈哈。 -对角线- ♂ -吾- ♂ :)) -金色的麦田- ♀ (0 bytes) () 02/16/2009 postreply 05:09:38

• 回复：人的正确思想是从哪里来的？ -Z.A- ♂ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 21:59:46

• 人的正确思想是从主席的语录里来的! ^+^ -金色的麦田- ♀ (0 bytes) () 02/16/2009 postreply 05:20:26

• 说跳舞那段挺逗的 -叶泥泥- ♀ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:42:40

• 寓教于乐，肖席寥！ 哈哈啊哈 -黄豆儿- ♀ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 17:52:31

• 哈哈，有意思 -知识越多越敢动- ♂ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 19:53:31

• 嗯,还是这个好玩儿~~~ -问斜阳- ♀ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 20:24:01

• 真麻烦，那算了，别吃饭了 -蓝莓酒- ♀ (0 bytes) () 02/15/2009 postreply 21:30:42

• 这个约会技巧有点辛苦，哈哈~~~ -金色的麦田- ♀ (0 bytes) () 02/16/2009 postreply 00:40:34

• 咳！这都要教．．．塞回娘肚肚里重生一次吧！∶））） -笑比哭好- ♀ (0 bytes) () 02/16/2009 postreply 04:56:13