i am not saying it should be written with legalese, using words like "thereby." But at least try to make it easy for people to understand you. For example, use the word "incident" rather than "violence." And don't say things like "hurt by violence," simply "hurt" will do.
And "take further legal action" against whom? Are you suggesting that the school is responsible? Or perhaps parents of B?
Overall, the tone and attitude displayed in this letter is a little too hostile, which does not help resolving the issue. I would revise it to make it sound softer.
Oh, BTW, pay attention to details, such as grammar. It helps.
回复:小孩子打架的事,不想搞得真象法律文书一样
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多谢Caliber和老猫指点,看这样写行不行
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03/26/2009 postreply
16:44:39