找他信得过的朋友当中间人替你解释,请他理解你的做法是为他爱的孩子们,不是为了为难他。
律师不是非要不可。除非你们有争议不能协商解决。大部分律师都有 30min free consultation, you can always ask for it. Write down your questions, bring them with you for the 30 min free consultation. You will learn a lot, and mostly get your questions answered.
For your kids, you can ask school for school psychologist to help your kids to cope with the change. CA public school always offer this, it is a free service.
Take care, and good luck~~~