These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
以下是从<<失控的美国法庭>> 书中节选, 这些话千真万确是上人们在法庭上所说, 被法庭记者一字一句记录下来并发表, 这些人们被深深的折磨着: 当这些爆笑得事发生时不得不玩命忍住笑.
(我的话: 耐心看英文更好玩， 翻译的没有原英文的搞笑，抱歉,这翻译太他妈难了)
Q: Are you sexually active? 你的性趣活跃吗?
A: No, I just lie there. 不,我就在哪趟着.
Q: What is your date of birth? 你的生日?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year? 哪一年?
A: Every year. 每一年
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 在撞车的时刻你在哪一挡? (gear可以理解为装备)
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 古奇毛衣和锐步球鞋
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 假麻痹性重症肌无力, 影响你的记忆吗?
A: Yes. 是的
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 怎么影响你的记忆的?
A: I forget. 我记不住
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? 你忘了? 你能举个你忘记的事情的例子吗?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? 与你住一起的儿子几岁?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 一个38,一个35 我记不住哪个了
Q: How long has he lived with you? 他与你住一起多久?
A: Forty-five years. 四十五年
Q: What was the first thing your hu*****and said to you when he woke up that morning? 你丈夫那天早晨醒来第一句话对你说什么?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" 他说: Cathy,我在那里?
Q: And why did that upset you? 为什么那让你反胃?
A: My name is Susan. 我的名字是苏珊
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? 你是否知道你女儿涉嫌巫毒或装神弄鬼?
A: We both do. 我们都干这个
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo. / voodoo, we do, you do, voodoo太他妈押韵了,简直一首诗
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
医生, 这难道不是真的如果一个人睡觉中死去直到第二天早晨他才能知道?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 你确定你通过酒精测试了?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? 最小的儿子,那个21岁的,他多大了?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? 在拍照的时候你在场吗?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? baby是8月8号怀上的对吗?
A: Yes. 是的
Q: And what were you doing at that time? 那时你在干神马?
_____________________________________
Q: She had three children, right? 她有三个孩子,对马?
A: Yes. 是的
Q: How many were boys? 几个男孩?
A: None. 一个也没有
Q: Were there any girls? 几个女孩?
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Q: How was your first marriage terminated? 你的第一场婚姻是如何结束的?
A: By death. 由于死亡
Q: And by whose death was it terminated? 谁的死亡造成的婚姻结束?
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Q: Can you describe the individual? 你能描述一下那个人吗?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard. 中等身材,留胡须
Q: Was this a male, or a female? 那么是男的还是女的?
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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
你现在的穿着是遵照我给你的律师... ...
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? 医生，你有多少尸检是在死人身上做的？
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. 所有的验尸都是针对死人
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Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 你所有的回答都必须是口头，好吗？ 你在那个学校上学？
A: Oral. 口头
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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 你能回忆检查尸体的时间吗？
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. 验尸8点半开始
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? 那个时候蛋宁顿博士已经死了吗
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. 没有，他坐在椅子上好奇我为神马给他验尸
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 你有资格给尿样吗？
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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 医生，你验尸前检查脉搏吗？
A: No. 不
Q: Did you check for blood pressure? 查血压吗？
A: No. 不
Q: Did you check for breathing? 查呼吸吗
A: No. 不
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 那验尸时病人有可能还活着吗？
A: No. 不可能
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 你怎么确定？
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 他的脑袋装在我的桌子上的一个罐子里
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 虽然如此，他有活着的可能性吗？
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere 是的，有可能活着并且在什么地方玩法律
