碰到一位认真的网友，有些像多瑙版主那样的好人

The world in a puddle

A puddle
tiny and shiny
in the sun
in the middle of a muddy trail

A puddle
passed by hikers
who rush towards the snow-covered summit
countless steps
countless splashes

A puddle
halts an exhausted hiker
He kneels, bends, and stares at the puddle
He sees young meadow
aged forest
graphite mount
and its snow-white peak
shining in the blue sky

inspiration © 2 days ago
 Likes （3）

Likes: Sand Singer, Simon Hosken, S. SharpeTo reply, click a comment.

Simon Hosken - Not only is this first rate - but the sort of poem I would like to have written - my only qualm (forgive!) is that 1 or 2 of the lines are unnecessary or that the poem could have been a little tighter - but without doubt - what can I say

a day ago   

xxx - Thank you, Simon, your encouraging words and sincere feedback, could you specify which lines are undesirable? Thanks in advance

a day ago   

Simon Hosken - It's hard to say which lines are undesirable, but if you will allow, I understand your history.   You are writing in the style of the ancients when your country were the greatest in the world.    The only difference between this poem and one of theirs is, not so much the use of cliche - the snow-covered mountain - but, essentially - it may sound stupid - but there are too many words.    If I were to offer advice, rather than be specific about which words, I would beg you to think of your pieces as shining, sharp diamonds onto which, unfortunately, you have poured a little oil.

a day ago   

xxx - Really appreciate your insightful feedback, i need to think hard to remove the grease, very likely true i subconsiously follow the ancient, somewhat being lazy. Thanks Simon!24 hours ago   x  edit

S. Sharpe - nice both on attentiveness and reflection of the beauty in anything and everything

2 days ago   

xxx - Thank you, Sharpe, your words are truly inspiring

所有跟帖： 

• 颤音你这么说我都吓得不敢回你。你认认真真的写当然有人看见只是这次碰巧被我看见了 -donau- ♀ (356 bytes) () 08/18/2022 postreply 23:25:28

• 颤音说你是那样的好人，我也是吓得不敢回。 -陶陶三- ♂ (0 bytes) () 08/19/2022 postreply 07:32:36

• 我飞刀呢 -donau- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/19/2022 postreply 07:56:34

• 给你看下真正的飞刀，不是AI，胜于AI： -陶陶三- ♂ (87 bytes) () 08/19/2022 postreply 08:13:34

• 哈哈哈，吓人 -颤音- ♂ (0 bytes) () 08/19/2022 postreply 12:05:12

• 文盲你知道和光同尘吗 -donau- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/19/2022 postreply 12:37:11

• 那就当我拍马屁没拍好 ：-） -颤音- ♂ (0 bytes) () 08/19/2022 postreply 12:04:35

• 据说有个认真的好人，但洋诗对我来说太高深，于是请古哥翻译来帮忙，总算看到了好人的影子。里面为谷哥翻译结果，一字未动。 -Shubin- ♂ (2190 bytes) () 08/19/2022 postreply 11:17:34

• 赞认真的好人，翻译的真靠谱，除了石墨支架 -颤音- ♂ (0 bytes) () 08/19/2022 postreply 12:06:34