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诚谢一筐兄和狼兄指点!:)
-飘尘永魂-
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11/06/2010 postreply
05:25:01
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对,抓住这两位老师就没错:)
-山菊花-
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11/06/2010 postreply
12:50:10
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按照菊花老师的教育思想来说,这首瘦瘦身更好。以前诗词坛又任专门爱给别人瘦身,
-一筐-
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11/06/2010 postreply
13:44:57
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还请一筐老师详细指教,先行致谢!:)
-飘尘永魂-
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11/06/2010 postreply
13:54:34
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窃以为安安静静是冗言,重叠灭有必要。可以考虑整成5言会更精炼。
-一筐-
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11/06/2010 postreply
13:59:36
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敬谢一筐老师指教,已改写为五绝,恭请赐教:)
-飘尘永魂-
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11/06/2010 postreply
14:30:44
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飘兄精神令在下感动。在下觉得还是这样精炼的好。剩下的就看菊花老师如何说啦
-一筐-
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11/06/2010 postreply
17:41:43
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谢谢一筐老师鼓励!恭请菊花老师赐教!:)
-飘尘永魂-
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11/06/2010 postreply
19:58:28
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