几个月前在一个英文诗网站贴一首翻译自己的今天收到一个点评说和TOM WAITS的Alice歌相似还真有点

梦

画廊里
一把躺着的小提琴旁
我在等你
而你的影子很长
你的脸庞落在了琴弦上
你的脚却顶着半掩的门
耳边一个男人在反复地问
你在哪里
我回答
她在等你

 

Dream

In a gallery,
next to a violin lying on the floor,
I'm waiting for you.
Your shadow’s long,
your face casts on the strings,
but your foot levers the door ajar.
A man repeatedly asks by my ears-
where you are?
My answer-
She's waiting for you.

 

AOB - Visual, Arithmetic. Reminds me of Tom Wait's song ''Alice''. The final interjection, after the painted remembrance, and longing, calls for spirits to linger in hopes of requited affection, and a mutual sharing of their plight. I like it very much. If I had to give any advice...Perhaps I'd only invite you to continue on further this path of exquisite balance between setting and action. Dialogue is a very interesting tool in poetry. I implore you to explore it, and listen to the inner voices of inspiration. Muse or poet.

 

 

 

Tom Waits – Alice
 

It's dreamy weather we're on
You waved your crooked wand
Along an icy pond with a frozen moon
A murder of silhouette crows I saw
And the tears on my face
And the skates on the pond
They spell Alice

I disappear in your name
But you must wait for me
Somewhere across the sea
There's a wreck of a ship
Your hair is like meadow grass on the tide
And the raindrops on my window
And the ice in my drink
Baby all I can think of is Alice

Arithmetic arithmetock
Turn the hands back on the clock
How does the ocean rock the boat?
How did the razor find my throat?
The only strings that hold me here
Are tangled up around the pier

And so a secret kiss
Brings madness with the bliss
And I will think of this
When I'm dead in my grave
Set me adrift and I'm lost over there
And I must be insane
To go skating on your name
And by tracing it twice
I fell through the ice
Of Alice

And so a secret kiss
Brings madness with the bliss
And I will think of this
When I'm dead in my grave
Set me adrift and I'm lost over there
And I must be insane
To go skating on your name
And by tracing it twice
I fell through the ice
Of Alice
There's only Alice

 

 

 

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• 不太明白为啥脚要顶着半扇门？ -海洋蓝- ♀ (32 bytes) () 12/27/2019 postreply 10:54:37