Sounds like you have a lot of resentment.

 

Your tank is running low.  There is too much fume in the system.  The funny thing is that you feel more secure this way.  You have been conditioned like this since long ago, thus you could tell your parents "See? I'm working hard.  I'm not slacking.  Aren't you pleased?" and "Look how little I gave to myself?  I don't need much."

Most of the stuff that go through our mind each and everyday are not thoughts but reflexes, conditioned in childhood.  The circumstances are long gone, but the reflexes stayed, controlling our mind without us realizing.

It is OK to treat yourself better.  Enjoy some of the fruit of your labor.  Pamper yourself a little.  You alone are responsible for you now.  No one is watching you with a disapproving eye.

Your son will have a more cheerful mom.  He'll be looking forward to your coming home everyday, telling him the wonderful and interesting things happening outside.

Travel some.  Start local and need not be fancy.  He'll have a chance to see his own future out there.  Hopefully he'll be more motivated, for now he has a reason to do those IXLs. 

When buying ski tickets, have him go to the window and pay with cash.  Give him an allowance and hold the limit; if he needs more he can either wait or do some chores.  Setup a savings account in his name and take him to the bank branch to do deposit/withdraw.

You are right to be concerned now.  A lot of trouble will be saved later on.