How to talk my girl about try best but not over her limit?

I am sorry and can't type Chinese now.

My 11 year old is in dance team first year.  Yesterday , during class, coach asked 30 students (few boys and girls) for push up (hold there) test. Whoever last three can hold longer, teacher will give them lollipop for prize.

 

My girl told me , in the last , she in one of four girls, she told me  at last she is very tired, sweating,   face red then she gave up.  After she gave up, all other girls gave up (they are older than her). 

She doesn't know the reason, after that she cried and coach comforted her. She told me she doesn't care lollipop and win. She feels body hurt, so she cried. I think there are two reasons, body hurt and she likes to win.   I told her she can try best but don't try very hard and over her body's limit. Before I always told her, she can try best but don't compare to others, each person has her own advantage. For her study too. She is very happy that teacher and coach said she did a good job sometimes.

She feel a little disappointed that if Coach didn't put her in front row during dancing show sometimes, I explained to her, every team member dance skills almost similar, it’s fair to take turn for front row.  How can I explain to her she can try best but don't take it too seriously about result/win , over her body limit?  Thank you for suggestion.

  

所有跟帖： 

• 告诉她， -又当爹来又当妈- ♀ (215 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:02:42

• thanks. -happy1014- ♀ (529 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:14:04

• 学会生里活平衡需要时间 -又当爹来又当妈- ♀ (90 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:16:45

• 不要教孩子过度为了某个目标而伤害自己 -虎落平原- ♀ (329 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:04:55

• 我看得很矛盾啊，好像你既希望孩子赢，又希望孩子不要累着了，是不是啊？ -princessonthepea- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:13:42

• 多一些安慰就是了. 所有的说教, 不如她以后成长过程中 -weston- ♀ (55 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:14:30

• 怎么 學會“適可而止”？ -happy1014- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:18:23

• life experience. some got it sooner than others. -blackmatter- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:40:09

• 唉，我家丫头正相反。自己累了就赶快歇了，绝不坚持，爱啥啥，也太疼自己了。。。 -代小酒- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:16:41

• 自己懂得爱惜自己也没什么不好的 -princessonthepea- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:18:42

• 嗯，这个天生的啊，加上自身条件太差：） -代小酒- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:22:10

• 自己懂得愛惜自己挺好的， 我很心疼我女儿坚持那么久，没必要。 -happy1014- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:35:56

• 当家长的都心疼孩子，你家孩子自己好强挺好的，慢慢引导就好了。 -代小酒- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:40:17

• Just tell her to take it easy not a big deal -noworry- ♂ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:17:35

• And you have to tell her the way -noworry- ♂ (321 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:23:03

• Thanks. I didn't take seriously about result, but -happy1014- ♀ (119 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:29:36

• 这个嘛，实事求是的说就是了。力量本来就是和年龄成正比的的，她已经是同龄中坚持最久的了，应该祝贺自己。 -keessa- ♀ (102 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:18:38

• 谢谢大家！我也要学会适可而止，希望女儿不要像我，所以上来问建议。 -happy1014- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:23:47

• 这个是天生性格使然，你就不要总让她try her best了，也许能缓解点儿 -怀旧一点点- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:25:18

• good point,I shouldn't ask her try best anymore. -happy1014- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:30:41

• try best的负面效果是和竞争的激烈程度相关的，高中之前再怎么样都不是个问题 -keessa- ♀ (30 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:35:14

• Dance teachers have sharp eyes to spot -blackmatter- ♀ (162 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:28:00

• ABC女孩子一般都比较好强，这是应该鼓励的，但许多有些太好强了。 -壮士- ♂ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:33:29

• 真的呀？ 比起国内的孩子， 我想ABC的孩子不要强呢？ -happy1014- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:41:35

• 為什麽只說女的呢？ -violinpiano- ♂ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:56:34

• ABC男孩子好强的比较少一些。 -壮士- ♂ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 11:59:04

• 為什麽啊？ 同樣家庭里出來的 -violinpiano- ♂ (45 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 12:00:27

• 感觉男孩子天性比较lay back一些，比较自我一些，爱谁谁那种；女孩子多少是pleaser，比较契合虎妈狼爸的心理期待。 -princessonthepea- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 12:09:02

• 太正确。这爱谁谁的态度能把人气死。简直就是恨铁不成钢啊。 -monochrome- ♀ (81 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 12:39:59

• 偶敢說你兒子一定比那時候的你還強 :) -violinpiano- ♂ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 12:46:16

• 那是。我小时候可不会弹琴那些。可是这做数学请检查一遍，是怎么说怎么要求怎么恳求也不做啊。 -monochrome- ♀ (42 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 13:03:16

• 哈哈 你以前幾歲開始學algebra的啊？ -violinpiano- ♂ (102 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 13:13:04

• 这方面就算拉，男孩子大大列列点比较好。 -悠哉哉- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 15:38:47

• 真说到点上了，搞不懂怎就那么无所谓的样子。。。 -悠哉哉- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 15:23:02

• Not really, just in different ways. -blackmatter- ♀ (143 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 12:19:21

• So what do the teen boys care about? -悠哉哉- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 15:25:29

• 壮大侠一出来就打击一大片，小中男不放弃的，他们不哭而已，所以你看不见。 -我爱拉氏- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/06/2015 postreply 12:43:25