法庭问答

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your hu*****and said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
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And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

所有跟帖： 

• 哈哈:-)))) -Z.A- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/04/2009 postreply 11:09:25

• funny -所有跟贴- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/04/2009 postreply 11:12:21

• funny -所有跟贴- ♂ -金色的麦田- ♀ (32 bytes) () 03/04/2009 postreply 11:15:40

• ：))))这个妙。 -概不回帖- ♀ (0 bytes) () 03/04/2009 postreply 13:37:08

• 在office边看边笑到內伤! -灶王爷- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/04/2009 postreply 18:22:36

• bar exam，那医生知道的够多的 -500miles- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/04/2009 postreply 18:30:46

• 咱明天也去考考BAR，呵呵 -知识越多越敢动- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/04/2009 postreply 18:34:39

• 这话说的，什么叫“考考BAR”？ -500miles- ♂ (62 bytes) () 03/04/2009 postreply 20:12:28

• 哈哈 感觉以俺目前的总犯浑250的水平 -知识越多越敢动- ♂ (67 bytes) () 03/05/2009 postreply 03:47:24

• 反映美国的律师有多混蛋。 -888891- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/04/2009 postreply 19:34:27

• 其实律师讲不清时，脑子里正在找对策，所以无法focus. -六仔儿- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/05/2009 postreply 00:24:46

• 靠，饭桶也能当律师，难怪美国那么多冤假错案 -aplus68- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/05/2009 postreply 06:31:51

• WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and p -丹麦有我- ♀ (0 bytes) () 03/06/2009 postreply 22:00:20