I feel Sarah Palin's pain. Just found out my 17yo is pregnant. Good grief.42 replies General TopicsNew York CityPolitics[ Reply | Watch | Options ]
10.20.08, 10:57 AM [ Flag ]
Oh, so sorry. That must be really awful.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
oh my. Sorry, what are you going to do? Will she continue in school?[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 10:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm meeting the boy's parents tonight and will decide. I'm leaning very strongly towards abortion. Her father and I are divorced. I am raising 2 kids on my own. She is a bright kid. It'll be better for everyone involved. But I'll still hear what they have to say.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Listen most closely to your daughter. Wishing you strength.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thank you. [ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ] Crossing my fingers that she'll choose to terminate. Good luck.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thank you! I am so hoping that she will come to this decision on her own. I don't want to be pushing her. [ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
have you talked about it hypothetically, i.e. before she was pregnant?[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Not in much detail - several short conversations 2 years ago when I found out she was sexually active. I made sure she had access to condoms and offered to take her to a Dr for bcp's - she wasn't interested. I didn't insist on hormonal bc. She said she would be using condoms every time.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
so what happened? did the condom break or did they not use it?[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
She says it may have slipped or leaked out. The boy says he didn't notice. He is scared.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] I wonder- what if you do kinda oush her. My mom was ADAMANT when I got pregnant and she made no bones abt what I thought I should do AND I do not regret it and I thank her now. I guess every case is diff. I did not wnat to be w/ the guy, was 20 though, not really a teenager but had no interest in having a child. I know otehrs may judge but I am ok w/ my decision. It was ealry in the pregnancy too. just food for tought. [ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
^^ spelling- push[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ita...and insist she get on hormonal b/c[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np ITTTTA. Don't know why OP didn't insist two years ago. Condoms as bc are useful only if you don't want to get pg (but could live with getting pg), imo.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I didn't insist because I didn't want to flood her developing body with hormones just yet. She broke up with that first boy and was abstinent for almost a year. Now she meets this new boy and oops.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Wow. Better to flood her developing body with hormones than to set up a situation where she got knocked up (and ends up with her body flooded with hormones anyway). If she didn't want to take the pill or other reliable method of bc, she had no business having sex.[ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 09:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ] Thank you for your story. So you think I should make it clear right away what I think is the right thing to do? I was going to give her the chance to speak her mind first. If she says abort - then just discuss the details (i read up on the abortion pill and it sounds like the easiest way). If she mentions having the baby then I will push.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
don't know if you're still watching this. fwiw I have a 15yo dd. I would not hesitate to let her know how you feel. Explain that it's her life and her body but you would strongly urge her to abort. If you think there is any way that she doesn't know how you stand, you'd be doing her a favor[ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 05:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ] Be prepared for everyone in America to hate your guts.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Only if you are a sanctimonious prig who insists on abstinence only programs in schools and wants to deny birth control to teens[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np What does this have to do with anything? OP's dd obviously wasn't abstaining and likely wasn't using bc.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm sorry, I was responding to poster above and trying (unsuccessfully) to be funny. OP--- didn't mean to offend![ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] Do you really think this is the place to go off on your little rant? Really?[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I hate it when people hijack serious posts[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] just wanted to give you some cyber strength for the days ahead. will you come back and let us know how meeting goes? [ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thank you. OK I will. I'm hoping everyone will be on the same page. Poor kid. She's very very early which is a good thing.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
btdt (personally) and I know I made the right decision. was MUCh older and should have known MUCH better. give her a long hug tonight. [ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have btdt too, unfortunately. I could not fathom a dc#3 when my marriage was already falling apart and I was ready to leave an abusive DH who practically raped me.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] I really hope for everyones sake that she makes that decision - definitley come back and let us know how it goes[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] I had an abortion when I was 17. Never thought twice about it, then or since then. Accidents happen, but I'm grateful my life wasn't ruined.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thank you. Did you go on to have children after? This has no effect on future fertility issues, correct?[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I posted below. RR funded studies for years trying to find a link and they find a very weak one. Yes, I went on to have children, not it did not affect my fertility or ability to carry children. A d&c procedure is the same if its elective (as in your dd's case), or its because of fetal demise when a mom wants the pregnancy to continue. Doctors DO NOT tell women that having the D&C in the later case has any affect on future fertility. [ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] Sorry, I became pregnant at 17 - had abortion, never looked back. I wish you and dd all the best![ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I had a baby at 17 and one again at 19. Please tell your daughter it ain't easy. My kids are now 18 and 19 both in college and I've been married to my really terrific 2nd hu*****and for 10 years. But honestly, if I had know then what I know now (hindsight is always 20/20) I would have terminated. Went to college. Not get into a loveless 1st marriage.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Me again. But, please listen to her and support her final decision even if it means gritting your teeth a lot and self-medicating with whiskey. There a lot of very helpful teen mom and dad programs in this great city of hours. Probably all the ones I went to are long gone as my kids are 18 and 19, but start with the free New York State health clinic. They are an excellent resource and clearinghouse for information for soon to be teen parents. There's one on 29 and 9th.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thank you SO much, your story is really helpful. I hope she makes the right decision. I will strongly push to terminate but will support her regardless.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] i got pregnant at 23, was totally not ready and with a really awful guy. didn't tell anyone, had an abortion. the hardest thing ive ever done (mostly cause i felt so alone) but i am 100% sure it was the right thing to do. i have a 3 month old now, am happily married, went to grad school, etc...and know looking back i could have never managed raising a baby back then in that situation. good luck. you and your daughter will do what is right. [ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 05:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np - and this is my same story to the letter.[ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 05:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ] I agree with a lot of the above posters that if you feel strongly a certain way, you should at least let your daughter know, at the same time that you stress it's ultimately her decision and you will support whatever that is. Esp. with something like an abortion, it's easy to feel guilty about wanting to make that choice and feeling like she's a "bad" person if she chooses that. Having someone else who she loves and respects say that that's what she should do could help her see it as an OK choice for someone to make. [ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 09:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Can she meet with other Teen mothers and see how difficult this would be for her. Because for you to take on another child would be so difficult and trust me you would be the one who would be doing most of the work. I had an abortion at 19 and never regretted it. There a rare occasions that it all works out. Since she was too immature to protect herself -- she alone should not make this decision.[ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 11:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It sounds as if this is a very difficult time and abortion can seem like a good fix. The most important thing is to be informed of ALL you and your daughters options before making a decision, that regardless of what it is, will change the rest of your life. May I suggest checking out www.optionline.org and finding a resource near you to talk with someone? Some of the responses on this list have said that they have never thought twice or regretted there abortion. That is not the case for everyone and many women do struggle with regret, depression, and guilt. Sadly, the physical effects may not be known for years down the line. Please, you have time. Be informed and reach out to those that can help. Will be praying....[ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 12:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
10.20.08, 10:57 AM [ Flag ]
Oh, so sorry. That must be really awful.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
oh my. Sorry, what are you going to do? Will she continue in school?[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 10:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm meeting the boy's parents tonight and will decide. I'm leaning very strongly towards abortion. Her father and I are divorced. I am raising 2 kids on my own. She is a bright kid. It'll be better for everyone involved. But I'll still hear what they have to say.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Listen most closely to your daughter. Wishing you strength.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thank you. [ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ] Crossing my fingers that she'll choose to terminate. Good luck.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thank you! I am so hoping that she will come to this decision on her own. I don't want to be pushing her. [ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
have you talked about it hypothetically, i.e. before she was pregnant?[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Not in much detail - several short conversations 2 years ago when I found out she was sexually active. I made sure she had access to condoms and offered to take her to a Dr for bcp's - she wasn't interested. I didn't insist on hormonal bc. She said she would be using condoms every time.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
so what happened? did the condom break or did they not use it?[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
She says it may have slipped or leaked out. The boy says he didn't notice. He is scared.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] I wonder- what if you do kinda oush her. My mom was ADAMANT when I got pregnant and she made no bones abt what I thought I should do AND I do not regret it and I thank her now. I guess every case is diff. I did not wnat to be w/ the guy, was 20 though, not really a teenager but had no interest in having a child. I know otehrs may judge but I am ok w/ my decision. It was ealry in the pregnancy too. just food for tought. [ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
^^ spelling- push[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ita...and insist she get on hormonal b/c[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np ITTTTA. Don't know why OP didn't insist two years ago. Condoms as bc are useful only if you don't want to get pg (but could live with getting pg), imo.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I didn't insist because I didn't want to flood her developing body with hormones just yet. She broke up with that first boy and was abstinent for almost a year. Now she meets this new boy and oops.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Wow. Better to flood her developing body with hormones than to set up a situation where she got knocked up (and ends up with her body flooded with hormones anyway). If she didn't want to take the pill or other reliable method of bc, she had no business having sex.[ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 09:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ] Thank you for your story. So you think I should make it clear right away what I think is the right thing to do? I was going to give her the chance to speak her mind first. If she says abort - then just discuss the details (i read up on the abortion pill and it sounds like the easiest way). If she mentions having the baby then I will push.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
don't know if you're still watching this. fwiw I have a 15yo dd. I would not hesitate to let her know how you feel. Explain that it's her life and her body but you would strongly urge her to abort. If you think there is any way that she doesn't know how you stand, you'd be doing her a favor[ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 05:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ] Be prepared for everyone in America to hate your guts.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Only if you are a sanctimonious prig who insists on abstinence only programs in schools and wants to deny birth control to teens[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np What does this have to do with anything? OP's dd obviously wasn't abstaining and likely wasn't using bc.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm sorry, I was responding to poster above and trying (unsuccessfully) to be funny. OP--- didn't mean to offend![ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] Do you really think this is the place to go off on your little rant? Really?[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 11:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I hate it when people hijack serious posts[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] just wanted to give you some cyber strength for the days ahead. will you come back and let us know how meeting goes? [ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thank you. OK I will. I'm hoping everyone will be on the same page. Poor kid. She's very very early which is a good thing.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
btdt (personally) and I know I made the right decision. was MUCh older and should have known MUCH better. give her a long hug tonight. [ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have btdt too, unfortunately. I could not fathom a dc#3 when my marriage was already falling apart and I was ready to leave an abusive DH who practically raped me.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 12:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] I really hope for everyones sake that she makes that decision - definitley come back and let us know how it goes[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] I had an abortion when I was 17. Never thought twice about it, then or since then. Accidents happen, but I'm grateful my life wasn't ruined.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thank you. Did you go on to have children after? This has no effect on future fertility issues, correct?[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 01:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I posted below. RR funded studies for years trying to find a link and they find a very weak one. Yes, I went on to have children, not it did not affect my fertility or ability to carry children. A d&c procedure is the same if its elective (as in your dd's case), or its because of fetal demise when a mom wants the pregnancy to continue. Doctors DO NOT tell women that having the D&C in the later case has any affect on future fertility. [ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] Sorry, I became pregnant at 17 - had abortion, never looked back. I wish you and dd all the best![ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I had a baby at 17 and one again at 19. Please tell your daughter it ain't easy. My kids are now 18 and 19 both in college and I've been married to my really terrific 2nd hu*****and for 10 years. But honestly, if I had know then what I know now (hindsight is always 20/20) I would have terminated. Went to college. Not get into a loveless 1st marriage.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Me again. But, please listen to her and support her final decision even if it means gritting your teeth a lot and self-medicating with whiskey. There a lot of very helpful teen mom and dad programs in this great city of hours. Probably all the ones I went to are long gone as my kids are 18 and 19, but start with the free New York State health clinic. They are an excellent resource and clearinghouse for information for soon to be teen parents. There's one on 29 and 9th.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thank you SO much, your story is really helpful. I hope she makes the right decision. I will strongly push to terminate but will support her regardless.[ Reply | Options ]
10.20.08, 02:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ] i got pregnant at 23, was totally not ready and with a really awful guy. didn't tell anyone, had an abortion. the hardest thing ive ever done (mostly cause i felt so alone) but i am 100% sure it was the right thing to do. i have a 3 month old now, am happily married, went to grad school, etc...and know looking back i could have never managed raising a baby back then in that situation. good luck. you and your daughter will do what is right. [ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 05:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np - and this is my same story to the letter.[ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 05:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ] I agree with a lot of the above posters that if you feel strongly a certain way, you should at least let your daughter know, at the same time that you stress it's ultimately her decision and you will support whatever that is. Esp. with something like an abortion, it's easy to feel guilty about wanting to make that choice and feeling like she's a "bad" person if she chooses that. Having someone else who she loves and respects say that that's what she should do could help her see it as an OK choice for someone to make. [ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 09:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Can she meet with other Teen mothers and see how difficult this would be for her. Because for you to take on another child would be so difficult and trust me you would be the one who would be doing most of the work. I had an abortion at 19 and never regretted it. There a rare occasions that it all works out. Since she was too immature to protect herself -- she alone should not make this decision.[ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 11:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It sounds as if this is a very difficult time and abortion can seem like a good fix. The most important thing is to be informed of ALL you and your daughters options before making a decision, that regardless of what it is, will change the rest of your life. May I suggest checking out www.optionline.org and finding a resource near you to talk with someone? Some of the responses on this list have said that they have never thought twice or regretted there abortion. That is not the case for everyone and many women do struggle with regret, depression, and guilt. Sadly, the physical effects may not be known for years down the line. Please, you have time. Be informed and reach out to those that can help. Will be praying....[ Reply | Options ]
10.21.08, 12:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
选择“Disable on www.wenxuecity.com”
选择“don't run on pages on this domain”
