作文一篇

本帖于 2012-10-25 05:54:40 时间, 由普通用户 红袖添香老板娘 编辑

昨儿写的一篇作文。 要求是写想象中的一个房间。我家二娃读了以后说CONCEPT 不错,写的太烂。

 

She is losing hope. There is not much air left in her lungs.


Suddenly, the water is being peeled off from her body. Without leaving any trace, the membrane of the water is lifted from every wrinkles of her body.


She opens her eyes, with uncertainty and a little terror.  She finds herself in a room.


She can tell it’s a room although there is no window, door or ceiling.  It’s a room that is isolated from the surroundings and can only be defined by different mediums between inside and outside.


There is air that she can breathe in inside of the room.
Outside of the room is water.


She tries to walk around. The sphere shaped room turns, following her movement, and keeps her staying in the same spot.
Her bare feet feel the dampness of the water wall when stepping on to the floor. The water flows quietly underneath her feet.   

 
She lies down, letting her long hair spreading out.  Treads of her hair linger for a while, quietly drop into the water, starting to float, become part of the water wall. She sits up. The wall restores its original pure texture and colour.  Her hair is wet, dripping off water to her shoulder.


She looks to the far but can’t tell where the light is coming from. A glimmering starfish swims close to the wall and stops, relaxing its diamond arms. She sends her hand out to touch the creature. The coarse lumps of the sucker curl up and close under the touch, leaving a hint of sticky slime on her fingers.


A fish swims stealthily toward the room. It rests by the wall, only popping out the mouth, spitting out an air bubble into the room.  When the bubble breaks, mist of water fills the space and then disappears, leaving no smell at all.


The only sound fills her ears is the deafening heart beat from her chest. The rhythmic beat becomes annoying drumming.
She loses her sense of direction, time, sound and space.


Disappointed, she sighs slowly.
When her last breath is out with the sigh, the wall collapses. The room disappears. She is drowned.

 

 

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shafa -红袖添香老板娘- 给 红袖添香老板娘 发送悄悄话 红袖添香老板娘 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:11:44

HAHANIKENDINGMEIDUXIAQU -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (22 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:12:59

叫救护车送我去医院 -红袖添香老板娘- 给 红袖添香老板娘 发送悄悄话 红袖添香老板娘 的博客首页 (33 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:16:29

WOYEMEIYOUDUWANJIUCHADIANBIESILEGANJINCHULAILE -美国共产党总书记- 给 美国共产党总书记 发送悄悄话 美国共产党总书记 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:16:45

天啊,一个又是画家又是作家? -小活- 给 小活 发送悄悄话 小活 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:15:30

画家他娘胡编的。 -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (48 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:18:06

你家弟弟说的concept,是意识流吗? --眉子-- 给 -眉子- 发送悄悄话 -眉子- 的博客首页 (29 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:19:42

大概是说 -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (67 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:24:06

有劲!伟大的妈妈。 --眉子-- 给 -眉子- 发送悄悄话 -眉子- 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:28:06

英文啊!To read or not to read,that is the question…… -托宝猫- 给 托宝猫 发送悄悄话 托宝猫 的博客首页 (148 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:19:57

我有个翻译的中文版本,更没法读-- -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (37 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:21:21

我读完了!只想大声哼哼: -托宝猫- 给 托宝猫 发送悄悄话 托宝猫 的博客首页 (120 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:25:07

有字数限制。再长点从坐家到读者都得憋死过去。书记已经不行了。 -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:37:38

这里又没啥灰色,你咋会想这么哼涅? -林卡- 给 林卡 发送悄悄话 林卡 的博客首页 (26 bytes) () 10/25/2012 postreply 01:03:59

嘘,查QQH…… -托宝猫- 给 托宝猫 发送悄悄话 托宝猫 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/25/2012 postreply 02:33:32

最近美国有一本巨火的best selling情色小说叫50 Shades of Grey。也是你们英国人写的。 -一片老姜- 给 一片老姜 发送悄悄话 一片老姜 的博客首页 (43 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:24:49

不带这么侮辱人的哈。 -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:29:04

尼玛哥这是表扬你写的好。这本书的销量比哈利波特都好! -一片老姜- 给 一片老姜 发送悄悄话 一片老姜 的博客首页 (1399 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:34:09

直接翻到第37面。读完那两面就把这书扔了。 -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (62 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:35:54

那没办法,你们英国人写的,当然英国人先看。 -一片老姜- 给 一片老姜 发送悄悄话 一片老姜 的博客首页 (59 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:42:38

哈哈哈哈, 小鱼你有福了! -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:43:41

别扯远,先说说看你写的是不是有点那种味道? -一片老姜- 给 一片老姜 发送悄悄话 一片老姜 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:47:21

两码事啊。我这个连个男煮饺都没得。 -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (83 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:50:08

我老婆也是这么评价她的文笔。 -一片老姜- 给 一片老姜 发送悄悄话 一片老姜 的博客首页 (37 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:58:32

喜欢就好-妞妞妈没建议你读一读啊, 赫赫。 -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 12:15:11

嗯,看明白了,这是一枚英式落叶。~ -尘凡无忧- 给 尘凡无忧 发送悄悄话 尘凡无忧 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:32:42

一枚气泡。 :-) -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 12:12:41

失忆的片段。。。 -舞女- 给 舞女 发送悄悄话 舞女 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 11:45:29

你懂的-- :-) -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 13:46:40

读完了。我也觉得意境挺好。如果拍成电影的某个片断,估计得用CGI才能做出来 -doyouknowme- 给 doyouknowme 发送悄悄话 doyouknowme 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/24/2012 postreply 20:32:36

謝謝你喜歡它的意境-- 我自己也蠻喜歡。哈哈。 -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/25/2012 postreply 07:32:20

The only thing is grammar. -贾平凸- 给 贾平凸 发送悄悄话 贾平凸 的博客首页 (163 bytes) () 10/25/2012 postreply 06:37:50

You actually mean that -面窝窝- 给 面窝窝 发送悄悄话 面窝窝 的博客首页 (156 bytes) () 10/25/2012 postreply 07:30:54

wowkao,林语堂啊。。。 -京师烧刀- 给 京师烧刀 发送悄悄话 京师烧刀 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 10/25/2012 postreply 11:24:25

看作文 -黄叶村过客- 给 黄叶村过客 发送悄悄话 (25 bytes) () 10/29/2012 postreply 03:33:22

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