另一位ABC （disman2345)写了：
For me, you peeled off another side that I never expect to see. I thought it would be communicate with the parents, maybe would understand, but now I see it's layers and layers of complexity that keeps everything status quo.
The parents would always see the grass is greener on the other side. I agree with you that they try to save face and brag about being better than other parents which is stupid and selfish. Even though they are in the wrong, it doesn't affect them because they aren't stepping out of their comfort zone, the kids are. It is hypocritical for them to dismiss people struggle when they don't see it. They do it all to brag, but they lose their dignity in the end when the culture they tried so hard to engrained into the kids doesn't work. They literally don't see the sexual imperialism and discrimination because they are holed up in ethnic enclaves where they don't really deal with this. They communicate on Wechat and read Chinese newspaper, so they never see from other people's perspective.
They also bring in the slave mentality where they don't care if they are eunuchs, they are happy to have food on the table. China is different from 30 years ago, so all that experiences about China being poor and strict is like speaking about a different world (these are parents who came here for a while), the new parents from China kinda knows more about USA not being the American Dream because of the Internet and China being richer.
ABC telling their struggles to the parents would be met with "you are complaining" or "our struggles was harsher, we were starving and poor or something". But that was in the past, focus on the present. The parents still think China is still in the past. They don't look in the present because their attitude and thinking is still stuck in the past. If they thought about the present, they would realize that China has a middle class that is much richer than the ABCs in America. These parents probably looked down on Chinese people in China being poorer, now getting surpassed by the same people looking down upon them. I suspect that Hong Kong Chinese feel the same way, their own superior mindset gets shattered when China has many cities like Hong Kong now, making Hong Kong not special.
The only good thing about America is the economic opportunities. That's why people come to America, people don't come here to assimilate. I didn't see white people assimilating into Native American tribes. The African slaves brought to America sing and dance so much to keep the customs flowing from ancestors to kids despite it being oral instead of written down and it transformed into music like jazz or raggae.
A lot of parents think that you just get good grades and that's it. Like there's no struggle. Getting an A is easy, by getting a B, you probably didn't study at all or something. Asian parents get stunned when they realized that "you need extracurricular activities" or they learned about "affirmative action".
Studying all the time causes people to lose social skills. If Asians didn't have affirmative action causing them to study so much, their social skills would be higher. Cause and effect. In China, they have the gaokao which is much harder than SAT, but the people don't seem as bitter as the ABC in this country. That's because in China, that's like a rite of passage, everyone bond from experiencing the same pain. But here, you become jealous when you have to work harder and you see people who make fun of you for not having any social skills, and they have social skills because they hardly ever study and you two end up in the same position. It's quite unfair. I know China has the gaokao where the richer afford better private schools, but that is based on class, this is based on ethnicity. Plus Chinese parents in China want the kid to just get into school, it's good if the kid get into Beijing University or Tsinghua, but they don't literally force the kid to go for do or die, get into Harvard or die.
Plus a lot of ABC parents are stupid in a way where they literally force the kid to get A's and take AP classes, become the best, and when it's time to choose school, they changed their mind on Ivy League school because "it's too far away" or they have an OH SHIT moment, where they realized they don't have the financial means to pay for it, so the kid even up going to a state school. And it's stupid because the kid didn't need to waste away their high school to get into a state school.
DID YOU SEE the Peter Liang case. It's basically a huge divide between the ABC and the parents. The parents thought that Peter Liang was being charged for an accident while the ABC kids thought they could be "fair" and make a precedent to incriminate future cops for killing black people.
Guess why the ABC kids were fighting for BLM over their own, because the Asian parents were successful in teaching them to ASSIMILATE. This is what happens when the kid gets bullied in middle school by classmates and the parents take the side of the teachers. This makes the kid think that being "Asian" is bad, and by supporting BLM, they can take a stab at white society and at the same time, seeing the "Asian" is a lost cause and redeemable.
Plus a lot of these parents are straight up absurd. Schrodinger ABC, that's what we are. They want us to be Americanized and have opportunity, yet become so disappointed when we can't speak our native tongue fluently. They use us as a bargaining chip yet get irate when we don't respect them (because in America, kids don't respect parents). They can't have the best of both worlds without sacrificed.
Plus another thing that you didn't bring up is dating/marrying. They would allowed the daughter to date a white guy over an Asian guy or they just give up when the daughter says she is dating a white guy over an Asian guy. Yet the Asian guy is on a leash, because we are the "heir" of the household. So the parents expect us to marry an Asian girl, but there aren't enough because they police the sons and let the daughters go free.
This would mean that the daughter may end up single when older because she would get dumped by a white guy who would want to have "white kids" at worse, but that's Russian roulette, why take a chance? And when it come to the son, he would have a harder time dating.
It's due to racist white society, Asian parents who would want the son to marry an Asian (of the same ethnicity), and even if the son does, the parents try to be strict and pretty much scare the girl away because nobody wants to marry in-laws parents who pretty much torture a girl for marrying their son. Plus I wonder what would they think when they realized they literally shot their culture and kid in the foot by robbing them of their pride and relationship.
The Fobs or International are more confident because they have a fallback plan, they also know they have dating in the bag because they have a large pond and it is auto-select, so it would work out.
ABC don't have that basic (yeah, it's not a luxury, missing something vital to life is crazy). ABC don't have a fallback plan, some can't speak the language perfectly, some don't know the custom. Basically a banana. Plus dating and marrying isn't auto-select. So the "in-group" preference doesn't work, leaving the ABC even more demoralized. It's like trying hard to breath for air.
Plus this would mean ABC males would have to compete against each other for the same girl. I seen groups of ABC males orbit around one girl. And then the girl says she's dating someone who is not even in the group of ABC males. ABC competition are against each other in school, work, and even dating. This would mean it's ABC against each other, the parents, white society, the world.
The abuse by white society isn't for everyone, and a number of people crack when the abuse shouldn't be there in the first place. Asian parents pushing the kid to succeed without failure is basically teaching the kid to fear reprisal and this causes the kid to not talk to the parent or to even lie to make things sound good. This action brought down freaking airplanes because the subordinates were too scared to tell the pilot something was wrong in scared of getting yelled at; leading to people getting killed.
I always wondered how the parents will react if the son is basically screwed out of the sexual marketplace and the parents is partly to blame. I wonder how would they feel when their son who get into Havard, keep moving up the ladder and become a doctor, ends up being single and having to get set up to marry someone who has been sleeping around in her 20s. I also wondered how parents feel when their daughter who slept around during her 20s is being set up to marry a rich guy, would they feel guilty they are scamming the guy and the guy family or is it human nature to pass on genes no matter what. I also wonder how the parents will feel when the daughter will have kids, and the grandkids wants to avoid the Asian grandparents. Passing on the gene, but losing dignity and culture is basically like not producing at all. I also wonder about the below average Asian guy who isn't handsome or didn't get into a top school or even an average school, what are their chances at marriage? Does face even matter anymore when the genetic line is literally dying, I mean the parents provide so much for the kid, but cut the balls off, so all that sacrifice means nothing if the kid doesn't reproduce.
I think I wrote a lot, but I also understand that there is another obstacle in the way now. My opinion is to forget about the parents. Aim at generation 1.5, bond the ABC to FOBs and Internationals. Parents are staunched in their ways, so better to aim at kids. Plus break down the ideal image of America, people these days who still dream America street paved with gold need a reality check.
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