I really do not know if you have exaggerated your daughter’s situation or not. Excuse me for having such a random thought. Actually, I was a bit shocked by the fact that you posted that in this public place and you think you are always almost right about raising and educating children evidenced by your letter. By the way, I have to say this to people who revealed so much information on their kids in public forums, though I know this message would not be received well. Just be a little bit careful. Do not just enjoy bragging at the expense of your kids’ privacy, especially if your kids already had some publicity. Give them some respect if you figure they, as young adults, would not be happy with your doing this. Also, do not gossip kids in other families, saying what you heard, believed, reasoned,… I also would like to apologize to NoWorry that my tone was so sarcastic when I criticized you last time. Actually, I tried to delete that post after realizing that. But unfortunately, this web system would not allow me to do so on the ground that there were some replied posts to it.
I would like to offer my humble 2 cents on your daughter’s situation. No necessarily right. Just to see if I could help a bit. If you do not like what I say, just ignore me at all. Believe me, I am saying these for the sake of your lovely daughters. My guess, well, just purely guessing, is that you were just pushing your daughter to another extreme, opposite to most Chinese parents. I do not think it was your neighbors’ fault. Whether you like it or not, they are entitled to do whatever they feel the best for their kids. It is unfair to blame that on them. Take their shoes. Do you think it is fair for them to blame you as their neighbor because of your way of raising kids if they find their kids have anything wrong such as grades?
If, just “If”, your lovely daughter likes to do as good as her friends who happen to be good students loving to learn and maintaining great grades, or if your wife thinks differently, or if your daughter sensed from some little things from you or your wife such as your comments about something that her parents would smile to see she get As, or if she is competitive and was envious of seeing some students in her school going to great colleges in previous years, or if your daughter felt unhappy about her failure to understand something that she should be able to, which was the cause of her lower-than-expected grades, or if she is indeed a self-motivated kid who tries to do hard work to learn, or other similar “if”s, would any of these be possible? If so, your approach or way of talking to her might potentially cause some problem instead. Why? At least from the perspective of a third party, you and your daughter were moving to opposite directions, which confused her. There is no way she could ever get good grades using your approach, and there is no way for her to accept being seen in school as a not-equally-good kid if she, NOT you, has some high aspiration. She might be struggling to find way to adopt your approach and at the same time to become a top student. That would be an almost impossible balance. If that was the case, she was painfully split and would likely develop huge stress inside. Even a very smart adult could not do that, let alone a teenager. Think Einstein could do that? I doubt. Frequent frustrations would cause her symptoms. Have you watched the movie “The Red Shoes”? The truth is that you have to sacrifice something or pay some price for what you want. You cannot have all best things. Well, it really depends on how you weigh different things.
So, in my humble opinion, you need to make some change, I mean positive change, to guide her to where she happily wants to be, even if you do not necessarily agree with her. Just do not be another type of “push” parent.
If I am wrong, I apologize. Well, I am leaving this place and just wish the best for your daughter, your and all families.
选择“Disable on www.wenxuecity.com”
选择“don't run on pages on this domain”
