How can we help when 劝导 and 讲道理 don't work

Dear 迷惘的心,

One more thing: please notice our intention, when we offer 劝导 and 道理.

Do we do it with the intention to change others? Quite often, we give advice because we want others to change, so we will not feel depressed, helpless, uncomfortable ourselves. "Please change so I can be happy." This is the underlying message. Especially as parents, we feel so scared and helpless when our children behave negatively. We urge, manipulate, give heaps of advice, because we know them, we know what's good for them, we are scared that they will stuck that we forever.

How about this time, just quietly observe for a while, continue to love her and respect her without any intent to change her. Send a message that you are OK and are able to love yourself and your daughter regardless of whether you feel happy or sad? If one can stay with sadness, anger and depression long enough without freaking out and make it worse, the heart will be more open to listen to one's inner guidance about how to move towards what is good. Be prepared that it will take a long time, sometimes life-long journey. But as long as one stays connected to inner guidance, there will be no sense of hurry to reach any destination. We will learn to love ourselves each moment, good or bad.

Hug,
Ayam