家有爱写作的娃妈来报道

家里小朋友很今年12岁，很喜欢写作文，想要和大家交流一下，这是她去年写的一个故事，参加本地图书馆的scary story的征文，题目要求用到划线的几个词。我觉得很好，但是没进前三名，想听听高手的意见。

The Mark of the Diamond

  Trinity shivered. She didn’t want to be here. And yet here she was, standing before a towering, grimy mansion, its gruesome walls padded with moss and rotted ivy. Her father’s hand slipped protectively into hers. Though somewhat money hungry, Trinity’s father was a kindhearted, loving man. 

  They were part of an expedition to find a diamond, which would open the will of the owner of the huge manor. No living man had entered the solemn house and returned alive after he died. Now, only five were brave enough to venture in: the head of the group, his assistant, a politician, Trinity, and her father.

  The organizer of the team stepped boldly to the door and motioned for his assistant to open it. He strode through the ancient stone arc. The aide quickly followed. The politician held the door open as Trinityand her father passed. 

  When they were inside, Mr. Cameron turned to face his crew, only to find just two were left behind. The deputy and the politician lay dead on the floor. There was only a trembling girl, her horror-stricken father, and himself.

 They examined the bodies of the dead men. On the palm of each person’s right hand was a triangular mark, dripping with ichor.

  “Look!” gasped Trinity, pointing at the door. They looked. The latch was the same shape as the strange mark on the dead men’s hands.

  “Well,” Mr. Cameron articulated, “You-” he pointed at Trinity’s father, “-examine the front door. The latchmay contain the diamond. Your daughter will go with me. She will be safe.” With those last words, he gripped her hand and sauntered towards the other end of the hall. As she turned, Trinity mouthed, “Don’t touch it, whatever you do.”

  Mr. Cameron led Trinity to a small room and carefully locked her in. He sighed. “I’m sorry. Youmust be safe” Trinity was afraid. She gave a high-pitched scream.

  Meanwhile, her father had wrapped a handkerchief around the handle of the front door. He grasped it and pulled gently. A sparkling diamond in the shape of a triangle popped out and lay on the cloth. Then, he heard Trinity’s keening, ululating shriek. He was startled, and the handkerchief slipped. Trinity’s father instinctively grabbed the diamond and sprinted towards the sound of her voice. 

  He knocked his head onto the door of the room in which his daughter was locked up, and he died.Through a crack in the door, Trinity could see that inhis palm lay the diamond. He had the same scar-like mark. Mr. Cameron seized the diamond and fell to the ground a moment later, no longer alive. The diamond slipped into a small pool of blood from her father. Itbegan to glow with a cold, frightening radiance. As the light engulfed them, they stood up, dead, yet alive.Then, footsteps sounded from outside.

   Trinity saw the members of the expedition, in the same state as the other two. They walked to the diamond, then faced the door. She was a helpless girl, cornered by the dead that came back to life.