i don't blame him; I have a

four year old son myself and I understand exactly why your son is not close to you. What do you expect if you don't spend time with him? Four year old should not be expected to understand mom's problem and struggle. He needs a mom that would take care of him everyday. It is just as simple as that. Right now you have to decide what is more important to you and be responsible for your decision. Don't envy other people. Either they are just lucky or they are fooling themself.