你忠于原文的翻译不错。不过我还是认为，翻译诗歌不一定在字面上要拘泥于原文。你看我稍加改动的如何。

让我掉下眼泪的不止昨夜的酒

让我依依不舍的不止你的温柔

余路还要走多久你攥着我的手

让我感到为难的是挣扎的自由

 

What became tears was more than the wine last night

What lingered on was your breath, soothing and quiet

How long I will hold your hand and walk you down into the rain

Then I was confused by the freedom in my vein

夜雨下的小城，出现在后面的一段歌词。为了押韵，颠倒一下次序把”rain放在这里，是灵活的处理。