14.13 理想的性交次数 Ideal Number of Sexual Intercourses
目录 Catalog：14.13 理想的性交次数 The ideal number of sexual intercourses；14.14 谋反 Plotting a Rebellion；14.15 轮回转世 Cycling Rebirth
14.13 理想的性交次数 Ideal Number of Sexual Intercourses
一天尘香去到县城里的一家妓院，对老板娘说：“我愿意花费十两银子请你回答一个问题。我可以先付钱，你七天之后给我答案。”
老板娘回答：“当然可以！什么问题？”
尘香说：“女人每晚的理想性交次数？”
One day Dust-scent went to a brothel in the county town and said to the proprietress: "I am willing to spend ten taels of silver to ask you to answer a question. I can pay first, and you can give me the answer in seven days."
The proprietress replied: "Of course! What question?"
Dust-scent said: "What is the ideal number of sexual intercourses per night for a woman?"
老板娘思考了一会儿后，回答：“你要我给你一个对得起良心的答案。你看我这么办怎么样？我自己找30位我信任的妓女，郑重地问她们这个问题。然后我让账房先生记下来她们说的话，整理成一段文字，结尾再给你个汇总表。你看怎么样？”
尘香回答：“我觉着你的主意挺好。七天后，我来你这里取答案。”
七天后，尘香再次来到了这个妓院。老板娘交给他两页纸。尘香看后，要来了毛笔，涂抹掉了全部的名字，没说话。
The proprietress thought for a while and replied, "You want me to give you an answer that is true to my conscience. How about this? I will find 30 prostitutes I trust and ask them this question seriously. Then I will ask the accountant to write down what they say, organize it into a text, and give you a summary table at the end. What do you think?"
Dust-scent replied: "I think your idea is good. I will come to you in seven days to get the answer."
Seven days later, Dust-scent came to the brothel again. The proprietress handed him two pages of paper. After reading them, Dust-scent asked for a brush and erased all the names without saying anything.
尘香拿着这两页纸，来到了县城另一端的一个妓院。他对老板娘述说了前文的事，并给她看那两页纸。
老板娘回答：“我会去你说的那个妓院询问。如果这是事实，你给我10两银子，我亲自找几个我信任的人，调查60位妓女。您看怎么样？”
尘香给了这位老板娘十两银子后说：“15天后，我来取您的调查报告。”
Dust-scent took the two pages of paper and went to a brothel at the other end of the county. He told the proprietress what happened above and showed her the two pages of paper.
The proprietress replied: "I will go to the brothel you mentioned to ask. If this is true, you give me 10 taels of silver, and I will personally find a few people I trust to investigate 60 prostitutes. What do you think?"
Dust-scent gave the proprietress 10 taels of silver and said: "I will come to get your investigation report in 15 days."
十五天后，尘香拿着前两份调查报告和十两银子来找一个距离前两家妓院远的妓院，向老板娘给出了招标的请求。老板娘看了前两份调查报告后说：“我会去核实。如果你说的都是事实。你给我十两银子，我去旁边黑山县的南门附近，询问90位妓女。我和那里的三个妓院老板是朋友。”
尘香回答：“这十两银子是你的了。一个月后，我来取回这两份和你的调查报告。”
Fifteen days later, Dust-scent took the first two investigation reports and ten taels of silver to a brothel far from the first two brothels and asked the proprietress for a bid. After reading the first two investigation reports, the proprietress said, "I will verify it. If what you said is true, you give me ten taels of silver, and I will go to the South Gate of Heishan County nearby and ask 90 prostitutes. I am friends with the three brothel owners there."
Dust-scent replied, "The ten taels of silver are yours. I will come back to take back the two reports and your investigation reports in a month."
一个月后，尘香来取调查报告，看见报告的最后一页有个总结，“女人每晚的理想性交次数？很少；7天3次；1天3次；7；20；50；100；200；300；500；700。” 尘香问这位老板娘：“这个总结是什么意思？”
A month later, Dust-scent came to pick up the survey report and saw a summary on the last page of the report: "What is the ideal number of sexual intercourses for women per night? Very few; 3 times in 7 days; 3 times in 1 day; 7; 20; 50; 100; 200; 300; 500; 700." Dust-scent asked the proprietress: "What does this summary mean?"
老板娘回答：“我去到黑山县南城门后，就把这个调查任务分包给了我的三个妓院老板朋友。调查结果汇总上来后，我们几位老朋友讨论了很长时间。这个答案是我一位朋友的朋友，XXX，给出的。她说，‘以前有人研究过这个问题，得出了这样的答案。’ 我们讨论的结果是这个答案最好。答案是把女人分成了三类：性欲弱的女人，多数的女人，和性欲强的女人。性欲弱的女人认为理想性交次数可能是7天1次，30天2次，甚至更少。大多数女人的理想性交次数是7天3次，至于1天3次。一夜七次郎，只是个说法，只有少数女人希望尝试那种感觉。性欲强的女人有愿意每夜与20至50人性交的，但是这种就很少了。以至于有女人的性欲很强烈，愿意与700人性交。这种女人很罕见，但确实有那种女人。”
The proprietress replied: "After I arrived at the South Gate of Heishan County, I subcontracted this survey task to my three brothel owner friends. After summarizing the survey results, we old friends discussed for a long time. This answer was given by a friend of my friend, XXX. She said, 'Someone has studied this issue before and got this answer.' The result of our discussion is that this answer is the best. The answer is to divide women into three categories: women with weak sexual desire, most women, and women with strong sexual desire. Women with weak sexual desire think that the ideal number of sexual intercourses may be once every 7 days, twice every 30 days, or even less. The ideal number of sexual intercourses for most women is 3 times in 7 days, as for 3 times in 1 day. Seven times a night is just a saying, and only a few women want to try that feeling. Women with strong sexual desire are willing to have sex with 20 to 50 people every night, but this is rare. There are even women with strong sexual desire who are willing to have sex with 700 people. Such women are rare, but they do exist."
14.14 谋反 Plotting a Rebellion
经过一年多的紧张施工，行宫的整修工程终于竣工了。在逐步接收竣工验收的过程中，尘香和尘凡故意先验收通风系统的进气口，雷峰塔的抽气能力，和天花板工程项目，以便于这哥俩在夜间改装爬进行宫的阀门等装置。竣工验收完毕后，尘香和尘凡还推迟了两天交钥匙，对他们俩安装的更改过的阀门进行最后的测试。
After more than a year of intense construction, the renovation of Migration Palace was finally completed. In the process of gradually accepting the final inspection, Dust-scent and Dust-mortal deliberately inspected the air intakes of the ventilation system, the air extraction capacity of Leifeng Pagoda, and the ceiling projects first, so that the two brothers could modify the valves and other devices to climb into the palace at night. After the final inspection, the brothers postponed the handover of keys for two days to conduct the final test of the modified valves they installed.
不久后，顺皇就再一次来这个行宫了。和以前一样。尘香和尘凡跟着顺皇走亲戚，过断桥。没事时，这哥俩站在自家房子旁边的树上向行宫院子里面看。他俩几次看见一队重骑兵穿着全身的铠甲和防护面罩，跑进和跑出行宫东部的房间（注1）。
Soon after, Emperor Shun came to the palace again. Just like before. Dust-scent and Dust-mortal followed Emperor Shun to visit relatives and cross the Broken Bridge. When they were free, the two brothers stood on the tree next to their house and investigated the palace yard. Several times they saw a group of heavy cavalries wearing full body armor and protective masks running in and out of the rooms in the east of the palace (note 1).
注14.14-1，那些出入行宫的重骑兵是国家安全局的警察，包括女婴，大禹，和其他几对儿金童和玉女。如前文蟠桃博览会所说，女娲造人时，造出了多对儿金童和玉女。
Note 14.14-1, those heavy cavalries who enter and leave the Migration Palace are police of the National Security Bureau, including Heroine, Big Yu, and several other pairs of golden boys and jade girls. As mentioned in the previous section on Pan Peach Expo, when Nüwa created humanity, she created multiple pairs of golden boys and jade girls.
2.
一天晚上，这兄弟俩就爬到了顺皇寝宫的天花板上面，看见从全国各地来的将军向她汇报。还有监视大禹的人向顺皇述说各种各样诋毁大禹的消息。随后，一个汉进来告诉顺皇：“汉来伺候你了！” 寝宫里就进来了各种各样的汉和军官。在前面的人和顺皇性交的同时，后面的人排着队地脱衣服。他们的性交像似表演一样。性交一段时间后，还有个中间休息，去洗澡。顺皇再次回来时就不出声了，全场静音。然后就是一场接着一场的性交表演。
One night, the two brothers climbed onto the ceiling of Emperor Shun's bedroom and saw generals from all over the country reporting to him. There were also people who were monitoring Big Yu telling Emperor Shun all kinds of slanderous news about Big Yu. Then, a Han came in and told Emperor Shun: "Han is here to serve you!" Various Han and military officers came into the bedroom. While the person in front was having sex with Emperor Shun, the people behind were lining up to take off their clothes. Their sex was like a performance. After having sex for a while, there was a break to take a shower. When Emperor Shun came back again, she was silent, and the whole place was silent. Then there was one sex show after another.
这哥俩来到了接待室的天花板上，看见排队的汉在讨论问题，有的在讨论象形文字。他们也唠嗑，说大禹又被软禁在了YYY；这次他再也别想被放出来了。一个汉对新来的汉说：“大禹是个书呆子，什么都不懂，连做爱都不会。以前有一段时间，顺皇让他每晚坐在旁边看着，我们就排着队地去和顺皇做爱。有时顺皇还问他看见了多少种做爱的姿势。”
The two brothers came to the ceiling of the reception room and saw the men in line discussing issues, some of them discussing hieroglyphics. They also chatted, saying that Big Yu is under house arrest in YYY again; this time he would never be released again. One Han said to the new Han: "Big Yu is a nerd, he knows nothing, not even how to make love. There was a time before when Emperor Shun asked him to sit by and watch every night, and we lined up to make love with Emperor Shun. Sometimes Emperor Shun even asked him how many kinds of sex positions he had seen."
注14.14-2，乌龟和大茶壶（如图14.14-1至4）是妓院男佣的别名。中华文化和墨西哥文化中，妻子和别人发生性行为被认为是给丈夫带绿帽子，让丈夫当乌龟和大茶壶。图14.14-1的乌龟代表大禹；他驮着的是玉皇大帝的无字墓碑。图2中坐在狮子上的是特拉洛克，他的脖子上挂着他的妻子翠玉女（墨西哥的开国皇帝，参见14.4节）授予他的金龟婿奖牌。图4中的大茶壶表示他是特拉洛克，即墨西哥。
Note 14.14-2: Turtles and teapots (as shown in Figures 14.14-1 to 4) are slang terms for male prostitutes in brothels. In both Chinese and Mexican cultures, a wife engaging in sexual relations with another man is considered to make her husband wear green hats, turning him into a turtle or a teapot. The turtle in Figure 14.14-1 represents Big Yu; he carries the wordless tombstone of Turquoise White-king Great Creator. In Figure 2, the figure seated on the lion is Tlaloc, wearing around his neck the “Golden Turtle Son-in-Law” medal bestowed by his wife, Chalchiuhtlicue (Mexico's founding emperor, see section 14.4). The large teapot in Figure 4 signifies that he is Tlaloc, Mexico.
3.
尘香和尘凡回到家后，哭到了天亮：大禹叔叔就是个普通农民出身，这个世界上如果咱哥俩不帮他，没有别人会帮他。
几天后，这哥俩想出了个营救大禹的办法。我们俩要成为将军，去剿匪。成功之后，我俩进行一次有限度的叛乱，要求顺皇派大禹来和我们谈判。这样，大禹就被释放出来了。如果成功了，我们俩有兵权，可以制约顺皇，使她对大禹友好些，多些亲情。
After returning home, Dust-scent and Dust-mortal cried until dawn: Uncle Big Yu was born an ordinary farmer. If we brothers don't help him, no one else in the world will help him.
A few days later, the two brothers came up with a way to rescue Big Yu. We will become generals and go to suppress the bandits. After success, we will launch a limited rebellion and ask Emperor Shun to send Big Yu to negotiate with us. In this way, uncle Big Yu will be released. If successful, we will have military power and can restrain Emperor Shun, making her more friendly and affectionate to uncle Big Yu.
于是，这哥儿俩就开始为实施他们俩的叛乱计划做准备了。白天，他们俩用心和军营里的将军们研究武艺，晚上轮班去行宫偷窥，收集情报。
So, the two brothers began to prepare for the implementation of their rebellion plan. During the day, they studied martial arts with the generals in the barracks and took turns to spy on the palace at night to collect intelligence.
14.15 轮回转世 Cycling Rebirth
在送顺皇离开行宫后，尘凡对尘香叨咕：“折腾了一年多了，我也没搞明白咱俩一年前观察到的那组进入那女人寝宫的数据是怎么回事！我怀疑那些性交演出是那个女人身边的那些蒙着或青或黄或赤或白面纱的女汉殃子们干的；但我不明白那女人（即顺皇）干这事干嘛！？”
After escorting Emperor Shun away from the Migration Palace, Dust-mortal muttered to Dust-scent: "After over a year of this, I still haven't figured out what that set of data we observed a year ago—the one about entering that woman's bedchamber—actually meant! I suspect those sexual performances were staged by those veiled “female Han misfortune seedlings” with turquoise, yellow, red, white veils around that woman, but I don't understand why that woman (Emperor Shun) would do such affairs!"
沉香回答：“烧窑么！我听说她烧的汉窑实际是人的身体。你看这一年来她把咱哥儿俩烧的，我已经被她烧焦了！”说着，他拿出了前文他委托那三个妓院老板调查的报告（参见14.13 《理想的性交次数》）交给尘凡看。
Dust-scent replied: “Firing kilns! I heard that the Han kilns she fires are human bodies. Look at what she’s done to us brothers in the past year, I’m already burnt to a crisp!” As he spoke, he took out the report he had commissioned the three brothel owners to investigate (see 14.13 “Ideal Number of Sexual Intercourses”) and handed it to Dust-mortal to look at.
尘凡看后说：“哎！最后一页有几个人名你没有抹掉！？”
尘香惊讶地回答：“啊！这几个月忙，把这事忘了。我想去黑山县城问问，这个结论是来自传说，还是近些年真的有人研究过？”
尘凡回答：“我跟你一起去，我早就怀疑那些大的数字是那个女人在逗咱俩玩呢！”
After reading it, Dust-mortal said: "Hey! There are names on the last page that you didn't erase!?"
Dust-scent replied in surprise, "Ah! I've been busy these past few months and forgot about it. I want to go to Heishan County to ask, is this conclusion from a legend, or has anyone really studied it in recent years?"
Dust-mortal replied, "I'll go with you. I've long suspected that those big numbers are just a joke from that woman!"
2.
尘香和尘凡刚进黑山县城的南门，就发现了三家妓院。他俩看见有几个老女人正坐在一家妓院的二楼的阳台上唠嗑呢，就过去询问。三个妓院的老板核实了尘香和尘凡的身份后，说：“那个说这个结论的人和我们认识不是很久。XXX回家了。她家就在夹一沟乡，水长流村。从县城的东门出去，沿着驿道一直向东。你们骑马去，两个小时就到了。”
As soon as Dust-scent and Dust-mortal entered the south gate of Heishan County City, they found three brothels. They saw a few old women sitting on the balcony on the second floor of a brothel chatting, so they went over to ask. After verifying the identities of Dust-scent and Dust-mortal, the owners of the three brothels said: "The person who made this conclusion has not known us for a long time. She went home. Her home is in Jiayigou Township, Shuichangliu Village. Go out from the east gate of the county city and go east along the post road, you can arrive there on horseback in two hours."
尘香迷惑地问：“这个世界上有你们说的那个地方吗？”
一个老板娘回答：“你去了就知道了；我们怎么可能这么骗官差呢！”
这哥俩确实很快就找到了 “夹一沟乡，水常流村” ，但村里人告诉他俩，那个女人，XXX，三年前就死了。
Dust-scent asked in confusion: "Is there such a place as you mentioned in this world?"
A proprietress replied: "You will know when you go there; how could we cheat the officials like this!"
The two brothers did quickly find the village of “Jieyigou Township, Shuichangliu Village”, but the village people told them that the woman, XXX, had died three years ago.
尘香和尘凡失望地向回家的方向走，来到一片树林边。忽然，路引骑着马过来了。他们三人相互问候。路引说他要去 “夹一沟乡，水常流村” 。当路引从他俩身边过时，叨咕 ：“逗你玩儿呢！”
这哥俩愣住了，转头问。路引头也不回地走远了。
尘香和尘凡继续向回家的方向行进。临冲在前面来了，问路引去哪里了。
Disappointed, Dust-scent and Dust-mortal walked toward home and came to the edge of a wood. Suddenly, Path-Leader rode by. The three of them greeted each other. Path-Leader said that he was going to the “Jieyigou Township, Shuichangliu Village”. When Path-Leader passed by them, he muttered, “Just kidding you!”
The two brothers froze and turned their heads to ask. Path-Leader walked away without looking back.
Dust-scent and Dust-mortal continued to march in the direction of home. Before-Charging came up ahead and asked where Path-Leader had gone.
临冲路过这哥俩身边过时，大声叨咕：“逗你玩儿呢！” 然后他也是策马扬鞭而去。
尘香和尘凡继续向回家的方向行进。忽然在前面，他们法库县的县长秘书来了，高喊：“逗你玩呢！”
As Before-Charging passed by these two brothers, he chattered loudly, “Just kidding you!” Then he too spurred his horse on.
Dust-scent and Dust-mortal continued traveling in the direction of home. Suddenly up ahead, the secretary of Faku County Prefect, Administrative, arrived, shouting, “Just kidding you!”
这哥俩和秘书交谈了几句后，秘书说他要去追路引和临冲。当秘书从尘香和尘凡身边走过时，也叨咕：“逗你玩呢！” 然后，他也不回头地跑向了 “水常流村” 。
尘凡问尘香：“这是怎么了，怎么都来 ‘水常流’ 村了？”
After these two brothers talked to the secretary for a few moments, the secretary said that he was going after Path-Leader and Before-Charging. As the secretary walked past Dust-scent and Dust-mortal, he also chanted, “Just kidding you!” Then, without looking back, he also ran towards the “Shuichangliu village” (i.e., Water Constant Flows village).
Dust-mortal asked Dust-scent: “What's going on here, why are they all coming to Shuichangliu Village?”
尘香回答：“我也感觉时空错乱了。咱俩也回 ‘水常流村’ 吧！我俩走驿道回黑山县，然后住在黑山县城。明天早上回去法库县政府看看。”
尘香同意了。
Dust-scent replied: “I feel like time and space are all messed up too. Let's head back to “Shuichangliu village”! We'll take the postal road back to Heishan County and stay in the county city tonight. Tomorrow morning, we'll go check on the Faku County government.”
Dust-mortal agreed.
3.
第二天上午10点钟，尘香和尘凡匆忙地回到了女娲的故乡，法库县。政府办公厅的大堂里挤满了人，都不认识主事的官员。这哥俩排在了询问的队伍的后面，想问问怎么全县的三十几位官员全换成了新人？一位政府的官员再一次出来解释：“这是新政策，各县政府的官员轮流互换，以提高公务员的办事能力。请各位放心，一切公务的办理会在一两天内恢复正常。”
At 10 o'clock the next morning, Dust-scent and Dust-mortal hurried back to Nuwa's hometown, Faku County. The lobby of the government office was crowded with people, and none of them knew the officials in charge. The two brothers stood at the back of the line to ask why more than 30 officials in the county were replaced by new people? A government official came out to explain: "This is a new policy. Officials from county governments are rotated to improve the ability of civil servants to handle affairs. Please be assured that the conduct of all official business will return to normal in a day or two."
这时，县尉带着几个捕快进了大堂，说是刚才看见两个1.8米多高的强壮年青人进了县政府大院，他要找那俩人聊聊。尘香和尘凡听见后就走过去了。
县尉对这兄弟俩说：“两个月后，武汉有将军入学考试。如果你俩有兴趣参加，可以到后院看看，做几项素质测试。”
途中，这俩兄弟得知，县尉是一位武术大师，是 “南鹤北桥” 的北桥： 桥峰。
At this time, the county lieutenant entered the lobby with a few constables, saying that he had just seen two strong young men over 1.8 meters tall enter the county government compound, and that he wanted to talk to those two men. Dust-scent and Dust-mortal heard this and went over.
The county lieutenant said to the brothers, "There is a general's entrance exam in Wuhan two months later. If you two are interested in taking it, you can take a look in the backyard and do a few quality tests."
On the way, the two brothers learned that the lieutenant was a martial arts master, the North Bridge of the “South Crane North Bridge”: Bridge-Peak.
4.
尘香和尘凡跟着桥峰来到了县政府的校军场，看见场地一边放着两排石锁（如图14.15-1，2，4）。桥峰指着图1的石锁说： “石锁代表着装 ‘天条’ 的手提箱（注即约柜，佛教中称作戒渡）。天条分为三类：18神佛不共法，女戒（即500威仪108000魅力），和男戒（即3000威仪84000细行，参见15.2节），分别由三棵断头树（即棕榈树）表示，代表一切法。我们中华共和国的法庭，监狱，军队和警察都是法律的保护者，所以我们选将军，就把举石锁作为第一项素质测试了。”
Dust-scent and Dust-mortal followed Bridge-Peak to the county government's school military field and saw two rows of stone locks placed on one side of the field (as shown in Figures 14.15-1, 2, and 4). Pointing to the stone locks in Figure 1, Bridge-Peak said: "The stone locks represent the suitcases that contain the ‘sky clauses’ (note, Covenant Ark, also known as the Precepts Ferry in Buddhism). The ‘sky clauses’ are divided into three categories: 18 God Buddha Uncommon Laws, Woman Precepts (i.e., 500 Majesties 108,000 Charms), and Man Precepts (i.e., 3,000 Majesties 84,000 Enchantments, cf. section 15.2), each represented by three guillotine trees (i.e., palms), which stand for all laws. Our courts, prisons, army and police in Republic China are all protectors of the laws, that's why we choose our generals by lifting stone locks as the first test of quality.”
桥峰继续说：“这些石锁共两个重量级别：女锁重62.5公斤；男锁125公斤。也就是说我们国家的男将军必须能够单臂举起125公斤，还要能扔出去。女将军必须能够单臂举起62.5公斤，然后扔出去，或者能够用双臂举起125公斤，然后扔出去。现在我来用女锁做示范，你们认真看啊！考试的时候，动作不合乎身体的力学原理，会扣分的。”
Bridge-Peak continued, "These stone locks consist of two weight classes: woman locks weigh 62.5 kilograms; man locks 125 kilograms. This means that the male generals of our country must be able to lift 125 kilograms with one arm and be able to throw it. Female generals must be able to lift 62.5 kilograms with one arm and throw it or be able to lift 125 kilograms with both arms and throw it. Now I'm going to demonstrate with the female lock, so watch carefully! When you take the test, points will be deducted for movements that don't follow the mechanics of the body."
尘香和尘凡都通过了举石锁，摔跤，和骑射的测试，然后是兵器演练。乔峰让这哥儿俩自己选武器，然后对打给他和捕快们看。尘凡选了把青龙偃月刀。尘香选了一根棍子，抡起右端就向尘凡头顶砸过去了。尘凡举刀相迎。尘香收回棍子的右端，棍子的左端就被推出去直刺尘凡的胸口。
桥峰叫停了他们俩，问：“你们是不是没学过使用武器？”
这哥俩尴尬地回答：“没系统地学过。”
Both Dust-scent and Dust-mortal passed the tests of lifting stone lock, wrestling, and mounted archery and then came the weapons drill. Bridge-Peak asked the two brothers to choose their own weapons and then fight against each other for him and the constables to see. Dust-mortal chose a “Turquoise Dragon Crescent Blade”. Dust-scent chose a stick and swung the right end of it towards Dust-mortal's head. Dust-mortal raised his sword to meet it. Dust-scent retracted the right end of the stick; the left end of the stick was pushed out to stab Dust-mortal's chest.
Bridge-Peak called them both to a halt and asked, “Is it true that you haven't learned to use weapons?”
The two brothers replied awkwardly, “Not systematically.”
返回《女娲后人》的目录 Return Catalog of Nuwa's Descendant
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