不是坑呀不是坑

I am really confused and want to talk to girls.
Here is my real story.
几年之前我和老公都在美国读书, 后来老公毕业后在香港找到了不错的工作, 我们就全家一起搬回了香港. 香港的生活很忙碌, 时间过的也很快. 来港一年后我们有了第二个孩子, 在我做月子的时候, 发生了很多事. 老公出差去大陆回来, 我帮他收拾包, 发现了避孕套, 当时觉得天都要塌下来了, 虽然他是他什么都没做, 只是因为我怀孕期间耐不住寂寞而已, 有这个想法, 我在大吵大闹之后也相信了他, 其实心里已经原谅他了. 有了两个可爱的孩子, 日子还是要过下去的. 但其实有些创伤是永远也不能愈合的. 我开始觉得不安全, 于是开始疯狂找工作, 凭着美国的学历, 很快就搞定了工作, 我有了自己的收入, 也有了自己的生活圈子, 这件事随着时间的推移, 也就淡了. 日子忙碌的过着, 孩子一天天长大. 有双方父母和佣人的帮忙, 我们到也还算轻松. 可是最近, 也就是最近半年吧, 我们之间好像越来越远了, 夫妻生活平淡无味, 好像他根本对我没兴趣, 当成完成任务一样, 平时两个人喜欢做的事也不同, 谁也不愿意迁就谁, 各自玩各自的, 就算是聊天也没有什么话可说. 工作, 回家, 吃饭睡觉, 和小孩玩一下. 自己有活动随时可以去, 只要时间不冲突就行 ( 我们至少有一个人在家陪小孩).
结婚以后我一直是不错的妈妈和妻子, 至少我自己这么认为. 但也许因为最近我们之间的问题, 我的心开始有点野, 很想出去疯狂一下, 比如说去disco, bars, just drink and dance. 结婚以后我就从来没有在去过这些地方, 因为我老公不喜欢, 他会很无聊. 于是, 在某一个星期五, 我去了一间本地很有名的bar, 我还花了点时间找地方, 因为从来没去过. 我去的有点早, 人不多, 在这种地方, 很快就会有人hit on 单身的漂亮女人 (我看起来比较年轻, 身材也不错). 一个样子还不错的白人请我跳舞, OK then, I am alone anyway. 后来他跟我聊天, 他说他是 US Marine, 这时我才突然意识到好像新闻有说一艘美舰经停香港, 而且他们一班人都好短的头发, 还有USMC 的tattoo. He was really funny and cute, of cause muscular, and a good dancer too. He said he liked me very much, I thought he just wanted to get laid. But to be honest, I felt very happy the whole night. God, It was the greatest night for last eight years, well, since I got married. We were dancing and chatting about my life in the States and his life in army and his family ( he is single and 21 years old, half white and half Hispanic, I am sure about these), and later he kept touching me and kissing my face (not on lips cause I refused to), and I really enjoyed it (shame on me). He was a little bit nervous when he knew I had a master’s degree from the States and he didn’t even go to college. After midnight, his friends had to go back to their ship before 1am, and he asked to go to my place with me, I said no of cause, then he asked for my number. I started to feel panic, I told him I was married, please don’t call me. He was surprised cause he thought I was single ( I didn’t wear a ring) and he asked me if I was not happy with my marriage, I had to admit that he was right. He didn’t not force me to do anything then I grab a taxi and went home. But for the whole night and the following day, I could’t concentrate and kept thinking about him, though I couldn’t even remember his name. Then the following night, I went to that bar again, I didn’t expect to find him there, but he was there ( same bar , same time, same person). He saw me after I sat down alone, and he came over to say hello. We talked and danced again, I felt a little bit sad because that night was the last night they stay here. I really liked him. Then the best part, we went to a hotel, it was my idea. ……………
We were in a rush and we didn’t have a second chance to talk again. After he left and their ship headed back to Japan, I feel really guilty , empty and abandoned , and I even want to do a HIV test, just for a while.
Now, after a few weeks, I still miss him very much, and I still don’t know his name. I am not a bad girl and he is the only one I have been with except my hu*****and, and I told him this, he said he would remember me, I hope he would. This is something crazy I did. And it is a real story. I will enjoy the feeling deeply in my heart for my whole life, and maybe some day, we meet again …….I will ask “what ‘s your name …..? “.
Now we are even, I mean me and my hubby. I feel much better, and I guess I am still a good wife and mother. Yesterday, I went to the same bar, thinking about him, dancing alone, I miss him so much, hope he will look at my picture sometimes and remember that pretty Chinese girl…..(too bad he has my pic and I don’t have one)
Am I stupid? Do I love him? I am not sure.