It is you who has internal conflict, you need to honor your own

if you want this most 你就会想如果有人对你的杰作大加褒赏,并且纤纤玉手,红袖添香,那样生活将是何等曼妙.但经验又告诉你如有此人,
Then why you chose 身边之人? 

If you at the beginning wanted 身边之人 most, then why don't you have a  peaceful heart? 

You need to know yourself, you can not have it all.