回复悄悄话

回复（一）
工作的极度繁忙帮我度过了最初的煎熬。
我忍不住还是发短信给他告诉他我工作上的成功和烦恼，他总是第一时间打电话回来祝贺我或安慰我。但他从来不主动打扰我。
我和老公的感情越来越好，可总是偶尔会很心痛地想到以前和那个他在一起的美好时光。
毕竟都结束了，我现在还仍然那么热烈地喜欢他，但那种爱的感觉开始向亲情转化。从今天开始我不再联系他了，我知道他还在关心着我，希望我幸福快乐就够了。
希望我们一起加油一起坚持，爱一个人，默默祝福也是足够的，能有一段那么美好的回忆也是珍贵的。

(I just read your post
http://web.wenxuecity.com/BBSView.php?SubID=romance&MsgID=621431.

and wanted to say that we are having exactly the same experience :).

The more I am away from him, although I still hurt and the pain of missing him is strong sometimes, the more I feel I'm finding myself back and my family life is getting better and better. Also I agree with you so much when you said that when we ourselves are out of our own misery, we have more to give to friends and family.

And he is a great man. He respected my choice and completely understood how I felt. I'm sure yours is the same.

Just want to share and thank you for posting your story. It resonates with me completely.

Thanks)

回复（二）

不失去不会珍惜，你现在正在享有真正的幸福，爱你的老公，平静的生活。
当我经历了那种锥心的痛苦，和想毁灭一切的疯狂后才发现，原来平静的生活才是真正幸福的生活，对不在身边不在生活里的人的爱情和激情充斥了太多自己的想像，充满了太多的无法左右的绝望。
有得必有失，好好衡量一下，值不值得。

（谢谢你的回复。我之所以特别佩服你，是因为我觉得你的境况比较复杂，要走出来不容易，而且那些最终促使你走出来的事情，肯定让你伤透了心，你才会有如此的决心。跟你相比，我很惭愧，我的情况可以说跟你的情况根本没有可比性。我可以说是在自寻烦恼地让自己陷入了这种痛苦的境地。我的他是我二十年前的大学时期的恋人，当年因为他的原因我们黯然分手。二十年后的今天，早已各自成家的我们在网络上再次相遇，交谈之下，发现尽管我们二十年没有对方的消息，但是彼此还在爱恋牵挂着对方，我们互为彼此一生中的第一个男人和女人，尽管在今天这已不算什么，可是对我们来说却是刻骨铭心的。我是一个性情中人，又是一个女人，再次相逢，让我深深地陷入了又一次恋爱中不能自拔，但是我们只能是精神恋爱，因为他在国内，我想我今后也不可能再见到他。我每天都给他发邮件，他基本上每次必回，但是非常简短。开始的时候他就告诉我他一直爱着我，愿意和我保持这样的关系，尽管他不爱甜言蜜语，但他对我的感情和我对他的感情是一样的。可是随着时间的流逝，我感到很痛苦，我感觉不到他的爱，我就觉得自己是在自作多情，他不说什么，是不是因为他已不愿意在这样没有实质的感情上付出。其实今天的他我并不了解，我是因为爱二十年前的他，所以就爱着今天的他。其实二十年前的他也是不爱甜言蜜语的。我现在很烦，可又舍不得放弃他。我的老公很爱我，尽管我们性格不是很合拍。问题是我对我的老公没有什么激情，甚至结婚的时候就是很理智地结了婚，这样的婚姻也许很难抵挡昔日的恋情。我知道自己在做一件愚蠢的事，被感情冲昏了头脑，可是我怎样才能把这件事放下而走出来呢？你能为我指点一些吗？谢谢！）

回复（三）

agree
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Interesting point: "Jail of Love" only means inequal love.

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:), I have to say I am lucky. Without true love, it is easy to be set free. Otherwise, you are in jail of love. That is painful.

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Interesting, Z is lucky. I have loved her and she is free. Nevertheless, we are simply human beings, we make mistakes, we do things that are not rational, we betray our friends/loved ones sometimes. That is human being and that is life!

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Thanks! I am cheered up already. He told me the same thing: it is not just for sex. He did what he said on this point.But he never says love to me.

I can feel his fond emotion and I know we have attraction for both.

But that is not enough!

As a proud woman, I can only be the one who be cared first. My hu*****and can do this.But my lover can't. And I totally understand his situation. He is doing the right thing.

We have great memory for the past. And I like him so much.

That is enough for ending a relationship with appreciation and bless.

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What's the difference between Affair and Love? If he is interested in sex only, leaving him immediately; if that is not true, does it mean that he is looking for love too? For example, I love Zirui but it doesn't mean I just need to have sex with her. Adjust your mood and cheer up!

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I am not Z。

Men are looking for affair after marriages.
Women are looking for love after marriages.
This causes tragedy.
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BTW: Are you Z?

The essay you composed reflects the feelings of many who fell in love after their marriages.

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Thanks!

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Interesting, but I can understand it.

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I love my hu*****and more. Maybe he love his wife more.

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You should be married to him.

所有跟帖： 

• 反正爱也爱了，分也分了，剩下的就要享受生活的每一天 -鸡爪VS凤爪- ♀ (0 bytes) () 07/22/2010 postreply 15:23:39

• 祝贺你，从爱狱里释放出来，不容易啊，羡慕你也曾得到，爱曾经来过 -我边走边问- ♀ (0 bytes) () 07/22/2010 postreply 16:59:38

• 这个倒牙。 -8Gua9Gu- ♂ (0 bytes) () 07/22/2010 postreply 17:09:44

• 能做到这点太不容易了。:) -八音涧- ♀ (191 bytes) () 07/22/2010 postreply 17:18:17