回复：well said. but it's still not anyone's position to tell her

First of all, we share our opinions and every one is entitled to his/her opinion. She has to decide by herself what to do.
I am not overly idealistic. We live in a nonperfect world. We are not naive to believe all marriages are hunky and dory. No marriages are perfect. There are issues and problems, large and small every day. But there is a RED-LINE you do not cross in a marriage situation. That is what I am talking about.