广东男孩的故事 (七) -- 父亲的出轨

看了"那人却在灯火阑珊处", 里面提到小孩知道爸爸有女朋友, 但不敢/不想告诉妈妈. 以下是我的个人经历.


一个小男孩看到门外有人站着, 那时家门不关, 只放个门帘. 小男孩很活泼好动, 一撩门帘出去, 见到一个年轻漂亮的阿姨. 她皮肤白, 眼睛很大, 烫了头发, 穿着时髦. 男孩问她找谁. 她当时的表情男孩至今未忘, 她一边脸的肌肉突然抽动了一下, 伸出一个手指向着男孩, 结结吧吧的问: 你是XXX(男孩父亲名字)的儿子? 男孩觉得有点不对头, 但还是回答是. 男孩妈妈以为有客人来, 也走出屋来. 你是XXX的爱人? 得到肯定答复后, 这位阿姨掩面哭泣. 这时男孩的父亲回家了, 阿姨见到他, 掉头就跑, 边跑边哭. 男孩的父亲把菜篮子扔下追了出去. 男孩那晚不知道父亲何时才回家. 这个场景在三,四十年代的粤语长片里不时会出现, 但在我十三岁时这发生在我家门口, 那男孩是我.


Once a cheater, always a cheater. 这句话在我父亲身上是对的. 妈在国外, 哥在学校寄宿. 父亲和第一位阿姨分手了. 但我见到父亲和别的年轻漂亮的阿姨在一起, 我是唯一的见证人. 我那时虽小, 但很清楚他们在干什么. 这个秘密我守了二十年，开头几年特别累．几年前和朋友闲聊时他提到他父亲有过外遇, 我的喉咙一下收紧, 梗咽, 眼睛湿了. 我跟他 share了我的故事.


父亲的反复出轨后下来两年我变得深沉, 远不象以前活泼. 母亲回来探亲见我也是这句话. 如果她知道我为何变得深沉, 她会很伤心的. 莫名的忧伤在我没防备时会席卷而来, overwhelms and consumes all my emotions. 第一次这样的袭击是在球赛里, 我射进一球, 正高兴时不知为何想到此事, 突然热泪盈眶, 撩起球衣假装着擦汗把泪水抹干了. 从此我建起心理防线, 摸出了规律, 在我很高兴或很低落时, 最容易遭到袭击. 高兴时, 它会把我的喜悦冲掉; 低落时, 它在我伤口上撒把盐. 抗日英雄张灵甫将军曾有一句话形容战场上的生死离别: "看那好男儿豪气万丈, 别首间却已泪流千行." 我的感受不能跟抗日英烈们相比, but you get the idea. 那时年轻的我血气方刚, 心高气傲, 从未允许自己为此事流下眼泪.

父亲提早给我上了人生宝贵的一课：人性的丑陋．多谢了．　我恨父亲, 我曾发誓有一天我要报复他, 比锅结嘢距叹嗄 (广东话 meaning to f*** him up big time). 但也是他给我第一个皮球, 教会我用脚的不同部位去踢球. 他在我上小学教我两招散打以防身，很管用． 没有绝对的恨．


So after all that, what's left that is of any meaning? 莫名的忧伤是捉摸不到的, it is the demon I had to face in the aftermath.



The demon rushes down the hallway, fast and furious, with a baseball bat and brass knuckles at hand, ready to kick some asses. He stops to knock at a door. Usually one of the followings will happen:



1. The door opened, a BRAVE young man appears with a sword in hand, ready for battle. The BRAVE young man says: "Crawl back to wherever you came from or face certain death." As expected, the demon refuses to leave. The BRAVE young man fights the demon; his sword slashes the baseball bat in half. He then cuts off demon's hand equipped with brass knuckles. Before the demon can turn and flee, his head is chopped off and rolling on the floor. The BRAVE young man spits on demon's rolling head and says victoriously: "F***face, I told you I am not the one to be f***ed with!" With that said, he closes the door and sits down to enjoy his briefly interrupted dinner. He knows the demon will return, most likely at an inconvenient time such as dinner time, but he's ready for him.



2. The door opened, a young man appears with a sword in hand, dressed in full body armor, ready for battle. Before the young man can open his mouth, the demon delivers a powerful punch, hitting the young man with brass knuckles squarely in the nose, the only place that's not protected by body armor. The young man falls down flat on his back, his nose broken, bleeding, paralyzed, can't even feel his arms and legs. The demon stands over the young man, "F***face, there is no use fighting me, I always win!" He swallows the young man's dinner with only a few bites, washes it down with the 6-pack in the fridge. Before he leaves, the demon spits on the young man's face, takes his sword, finally urinates on his doormat with "Welcome" printed on it. Like a category 5 hurricane, the demon destroys everything in his path.


The demon has been with me for over 20 years, he is my "old buddy" now. He still crawls out of the shit hole he lives in to ambush me from time to time. Sometimes I am "BRAVE", other times I am not so "BRAVE".


第一位阿姨和父亲有一女儿, 如果那女孩长得象阿姨, 应该很漂亮. 在地球的某个角落有我的一个 half sister, 我不知她名字, 什么样, 过得好不好. 她和我都是伤员, 希望她伤养得比我好.

我比以前好多了, 终有一天我会 lose my "old buddy". I WON'T MISS HIM !!!

所有跟帖： 

• 可怜的孩子们，为人父母者鉴 -karenzou- ♀ (0 bytes) () 04/10/2009 postreply 18:08:42

• 那该是多么沉重的一个秘密啊！你用自己的心痛保护母亲不受伤，难得！ -一丝浮尘- ♀ (0 bytes) () 04/11/2009 postreply 13:47:22

• 回复：广东男孩的故事 (七) -- 父亲的出轨 -troyhelen_zhao- ♀ (157 bytes) () 04/11/2009 postreply 15:41:09