令我落泪的一章：那人却在灯火阑珊处 (9) 来源: seasickyetdocked

来源: 那一朵紫花 于 2009-03-20 21:31:37 [] [博客] [旧帖] [给我悄悄话] 阅读数 : (4443 bytes)
本帖于 2010-09-28 08:04:20 时间, 由超管 论坛管理 编辑

会开完了party结束了,我们回到了各自繁忙的生活.唯一微妙的变化是他在IM上ping 我的次数多了，不过大多dashing in and out, 问个好，送个link，不是HBR上的奇文共赏就是movie review。我会问问孩子（知道他的故事后，there is always a soft spot in my heart for his son），有时间也会讨论一下文章或是电影. 后来我把儿子outgrown的整套Thomas the Tank Engine train table and train set送给他儿子，所以偶尔会收到两张孩子和Thomas的照片。看似淡淡的君子之交，不经意中建立起来的是对彼此的信任，了解和欣赏。

得益于周五在家上班，我安排每周去儿子的教室做classroom helper，这让他很开心，自豪地把我介绍给他的校长，老师和朋友们，并偷偷告诉我他们班女生说我看起来很年轻，‘But I told them you are actually 39 except that you look 29 with makeup，so you should be proud Mommy’. 那年他10岁，正是从little boy变成little young man的年纪，开始了对事物的观察和形成自己的见解。 春假我带他去了一趟西班牙和法国，他不理解为什么这么美丽富庶的地方会有那么多 homeless, 同情着呢，每次坐地铁他都把我身上的硬币掏干净给他们，有一次我逗他说‘儿子， 这可是两欧元呢‘，他说’Come on mommy, we are in Europe, everything is expensive’,言下之意是欧洲的homeless 的 cost of living 比美国高。回来后他专门写了一篇有关homeless的文章，情文并茂地阐述为什么政府，尤其是富裕的政府应该努力来杜绝这种现象。 还有我从那时开始教他理财的常识。几年前 Google IPO我用孩子的压岁钱给他买了20股 GOOG,现在学会了如何看股市，天天得意地算计他那点钱，牛得好像可以买下整个世界。我很庆幸超近距离地见证了他的那段成长。更惊喜的是后来的一年里，孩子给我支持，让我领悟，从精神上给了我极大的安慰。

EX最后决定还是在附近买房子，我于是忙着卖股票，exercise options为他筹措down payment. 不是我高尚或慷慨，He is entitled for half of my money anyway, 我何不在还能控制这笔钱的时候让他有点尊严地move out， 为孩子和他在一起的生活作最好的安排？况且我的大度和配合让他很内疚，在后来的离婚手续和孩子custody上他基本上理智和amicable. 如果离婚给孩子的伤害再所难免，那么和EX 维持一个友好合作的关系是给孩子不幸中最大的礼物。 我是学经济的， 深谙local and global optimization 的道理。 看见周围的朋友离婚时为了所谓的‘原则’而斤斤计较，我会提醒她们在做 local optimization而忘了给孩子留下最大的利益，which is the global optimization.

等房子in escrow, 搬家的日期敲定，该告诉儿子爸爸要搬走这一事实了。对父母而言那是世界上最艰巨的Mission Impossible， 对孩子而言， No one in the world deserves to have this kind of conversation. 为了真实地纪录历史， 下面是the uncut version of the conversation w my son:

M:‘Honey, I have something important to discuss with you, I feel bad that it comes down to this point but let me ensure you that things will be fine in the end.’

S: ‘Sure, what is it?’

M: ‘Dad and I are having a hard time, and you may have noticed something wasn’t right between us. We have decided to separate for now, as a result daddy will move to a different house near by.’

S:’No, I don’t want that!!!’(started crying)

M hugged S: ‘I understand how hard it is for you. But I want you to know that mom and dad will continue to love you unconditionally regardless where dad lives. You will have your own bedroom there. You can bike between the two houses. The only difference is you’ll spend some nights here and other nights at daddy’s’.

S (calmed down a bit): ‘Mommy, actually I am not surprised, because you two are weird’

M: ‘how so?’

S: ‘You guys don’t hate each other, but don’t love each other either. You two are like… co-workers’

M (speechless)…

S: ‘Mommy, I don’t want my friends to find out about this. I don’t want them to feel sorry for me’

M: ‘of course, you decide when the time is right, when you feel more comfortable to tell them, maybe 1, 2 or 5 years from now. Since daddy is so close by, he will be around a lot, your friends will hardly notice anything.’

S: ‘Mommy, I think after daddy moves out, he’ll have a girlfriend, they’ll have a baby and daddy will forget about me’(fighting back tears)

M: ‘Oh honey, it doesn’t matter how many babies daddy might have later, you are always his first and most precious baby, you are one and only, you are irreplaceable. ‘

S: ‘Mommy, next time make sure you find someone who truly loves you’

M: ‘I’ll try, but how can I tell?’

S: ‘If he makes you laugh’

M: ‘Mommy, will you have enough money to pay for the mortgage? If not, you can sell my Google shares.’

现在轮到我fight back tears了。

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