nice, so take a deeper read.

This is just my view to exchange, don't mind.

1st read, 'of' was not proper, shoule be 'in', spring rain or rain in spring.
2nd read, 'of' makes sense if spring is a metaphor (such as memories),
or if it is read as Rain of spring music, falling, green & serene...

I felt the word "me" needs no "", leave it to readers' imagination.
I felt the word 'smile' is redundant, again less is more.

Since it is a short poem, every word counts. I modify it to rhyme both ways so that you can read it top-down or bottom-up, also more balanced.



Spring Rain

Rain
of spring
music falling
green & serene

as I listen . . . . . . . . . . . . .

me into you stepping
umbrella-less
soak-ing
Rain

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• 好玩，谢谢分享！ -影云- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/18/2005 postreply 20:42:49