英译练习：金缕曲顾贞观（意形韵的取舍请教）

小贝壳weed · 2016-12-09 04:47:24Z

英译练习：金缕曲顾贞观（意形韵的取舍请教）简介

来源: 小贝壳weed 于 2016-12-09 04:47:24 [档案] [博客] [旧帖] [给我悄悄话] 本文已被阅读：次 (4411 bytes)

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W兄说我的Sonnet 4翻译是“小贝十四行”，我斗胆猜测他的意思是我的拙译不够14行或超过14行？想听听高手对“形”的高见。

以下是我的另一个练习，我用仿双行体的形式，不知是否合适？多谢指教！在意形韵的取舍该如何？我觉得意第一。。。

古词英译：金缕曲
（其二）顾贞观

其二

我亦飘零久！十年来，深恩负尽，死生师友。宿昔齐名非忝窃，只看杜陵消瘦，曾不减，夜郎僝僽，薄命长辞知已别，问人生到此凄凉否？千万恨，为君剖。

兄生辛未吾丁丑，共此时，冰霜摧折，早衰蒲柳。诗赋从今须少作，留取心魄相守。但愿得，河清人寿！归日急翻行戍稿，把空名料理传身后。言不尽，观顿首。

I've also wandered forever and a day!
For the last ten years, I regretted not to pay
my teacher and friends who shared my hard time,
and my joys back in those years, my prime.
Back then they said we shared the same fame,
it seemed to be true, that almost as the same
as Du Fu who was so worried about Li Bai,
not less than Li Bai himself who had been exiled.
Alas, look at me now, I have lost my wife,
separated with my bosom friend, what a life!
I have so much resentment need to tell.
I will pour my heart out to you all in detail.
You were born in Xinwei year and I Dingchou,
Both of us have suffered from ice and snow.
We all look haggard as if dead willows trees,
I advise that you should write less poetries.
Take care of yourself, and let's stay together,
I wish the Yellow River will be clear,
and both of us will have a long lifespan!
When you come back from the frontier, then
in no time you will sort out all your scripts,
and then pass them on to our descendants.
But I think we will deal with misery,
before we can receive any glory.
Words in my heart never come out enough,
I knock my head, pay my respect with love.

Translator:
小贝壳 Feb. 20, 2015