Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this after Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George : Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi : Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George : Great. Lay it on me.
Condi : Hu is the new leader of China.
George : That's what I want to know.
Condi : That's what I'm telling you.
George : That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi : Yes.
George : I mean the fellow's name.
Condi : Hu.
George : The guy in China.
Condi : Hu.
George : The new leader of China.
Condi : Hu.
George : The Chinaman!
Condi : Hu is leading China.
George : Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi : I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George : Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi : That's the man's name.
George : That's who's name?
Condi : Yes.
George : Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi : Yes, sir.
George : Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi : That's correct.
George : Then who is in China?
Condi : Yes, sir.
George : Yassir is in China?
Condi : No, sir.
George : Then who is?
Condi : Yes, sir.
George : Yassir?
Condi : No, sir.
George : Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi : Kofi?
George : No, thanks.
Condi : You want Kofi?
George : No.
Condi : You don't want Kofi.
George : No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi : Yes, sir.
George : Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi : Kofi?
George : Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi : And call who?
George : Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi : Hu is the guy in China.
George : Will you stay out of China?!
Condi : Yes, sir.
George : And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi : Kofi.
George : All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi : Rice, here.
George : Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
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