坑 (ZT)

我是上海人,来美21年；我妻子是青岛人，来美10年; We have been married for 3 years and have a daughter who is 17 months. I do love my wife.  Under most circumstances, I feel my wife loves me and our family.  What is bothering me was that I found out the beneficiary of my wife retirement account and IRA accounts was neither me or our daughter instead.  My wife designated her parents and her brother in China as her beneficiaries of her accounts. My wife is the sole beneficiary of all of my investment accounts.

After my repeated requests, my wife finally changed the beneficiary of her 401K to our daughter only after our daughter was born. A while ago, I found out the beneficiary of my wife's IRA accounts is still her parents and her brother even with an IRA account she opened after we got married.  When I brought this up to my wife's attention, she thought it was not a big deal.  According to her, it is very common not to list spouse as beneficiary for Chinese family in the states.  She thought I was too shanghainese, which meant watching money too closely. I am willing to give her reasonable doubt that I am too sensitive.  This is why I reach out to seek comments from you guys and open to any suggestions.  I love my wife and my family.  Somehow I am very upset about being excluded from any of her accounts.  It is killing me inside.  Thanks!

Olin