to be or not to be

   XX doesn't have as many Chinese immigrates as XXX has, so I am not very comfortable with this fact; indeed, I feel a little bit lonely and awkward. Especially in my major, there is about 97% students are native speakers. It seems i am the minority of minority. Fortunately, the Vietnamese girl that i met in the orientation has given me some hope. Even though she has the same situation as me, she doesn't feel down or fearful; she is comfortable with her surroundings. This inspires me to be more confident and emotionally stronger.

    These two days, I questioned myself that why could not I be like her, who can presents who she is? Except the personality differences, i think there are two other major factors: first, she has been living in XX for a while, but I am a newcomer here. Second, she probably has been assimilated to the western world as much as she can (according to her pictures on facebook), yet I am very Chinese outside and inside!

      In terms of assimilation, I do not think I can be assimilated to Americans because I am Chinese, who have a strong Chinese culture background and inheritage. I remember when I just came to the United States, I tried to be more "Americanized", however, it did not work, I am still very Chinese. Moreover, when I have learned about myself and known about myself more through challenges and difficulties, I realized that I cannot change who I am; in fact, as many people said "you are who you are", I am who I am. Furthermore, when I am getting more mature, I think i accept this fact that I am very Chinese; and most importantly, I do not feel shame about this.

   　People who are immigrates will know what I am talking about. Many people in the United States judge you and have prejudices about you if you are Chinese or you cannot speak English fluently or you are too FOB. I do not want to say too much about those shallow people since I cannot control what they think and what they want to think. Plus people are not perfect, we do prejudge; this is part of the human nature. What I need to do is to enhance my English skills. Be confident, and be proud of who i am.

     In the past, I am afraid to speak up in classes because I am afraid people judge me and treat me differently according to my imperfect spoken English. Now I am more active about speaking up because I want people to hear my voice. I want them know that someone who doesn't speak perfect English doesn't mean that person doesn't have intelligence. I am more engaged in speaking up not because i have no fear about the biases, but I want to fight with this circumstance in a "tough" way.

     LU XUN said, either dying in the silence or breaking out the silence. I choose the latter one. I know there will be many obstacles on this road, yet nothing venture, nothing gained, only if i take risks,can I gain more perspectives and respects.

      When Hamlet is thinking about suicide, he says to himself, "to be or not to be, that is a question." When I am thinking about assimilation, I choose not to be (assimilated)！