ok, 喜欢这种讨论，深木 新同学~ :)

nestled deeply “into” the white clouds
"into" sounds better than "in"
=>agree

the evening glow is casting the autumnal woods
你可以说cast light on，但好象不可以说light is casting sth
cast投射，投，但没有“投射光”的意思，你要explicitly加上光，要么被动
=>the evening glow is being cast on the autumnal woods

the maple leaves goes brighter than the red spring flowers
=>“go” makes it vivid
but there is also go in “My carriage stops and I forget to go~ ”
=>try to avoid duplicate main words in poem.