Lu Xun: A Madman's Diary (English and Chinese)

Lu Xun
A Madman's Diary

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Written: April 1918
Source: Selected Stories of Lu Hsun, Published by Foreign Languages Press, Peking, 1960, 1972
Transcribed: Original transcription from coldbacon.com
HTML Markup: Mike B. for MIA, 2005
Public Domain: Marxists Internet Archive (2005). You may freely copy, distribute, display and perform this work; as well as make derivative and commercial works. Please credit “Marxists Internet Archive” as your source.


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Two brothers, whose names I need not mention here, were both good friends of mine in high school; but after a separation of many years we gradually lost touch. Some time ago I happened to hear that one of them was seriously ill, and since I was going back to my old home I broke my journey to call on them, I saw only one, however, who told me that the invalid was his younger brother.

"I appreciate your coming such a long way to see us," he said, "but my brother recovered some time ago and has gone elsewhere to take up an official post." Then, laughing, he produced two volumes of his brother's diary, saying that from these the nature of his past illness could be seen, and that there was no harm in showing them to an old friend. I took the diary away, read it through, and found that he had suffered from a form of persecution complex. The writing was most confused and incoherent, and he had made many wild statements; moreover he had omitted to give any dates, so that only by the colour of the ink and the differences in the writing could one tell that it was not written at one time. Certain sections, however, were not altogether disconnected, and I have copied out a part to serve as a subject for medical research. I have not altered a single illogicality in the diary and have changed only the names, even though the people referred to are all country folk, unknown to the world and of no consequence. As for the title, it was chosen by the diarist himself after his recovery, and I did not change it.

I
Tonight the moon is very bright.

I have not seen it for over thirty years, so today when I saw it I felt in unusually high spirits. I begin to realize that during the past thirty-odd years I have been in the dark; but now I must be extremely careful. Otherwise why should that dog at the Chao house have looked at me twice?

I have reason for my fear.

II
Tonight there is no moon at all, I know that this bodes ill. This morning when I went out cautiously, Mr. Chao had a strange look in his eyes, as if he were afraid of me, as if he wanted to murder me. There were seven or eight others, who discussed me in a whisper. And they were afraid of my seeing them. All the people I passed were like that. The fiercest among them grinned at me; whereupon I shivered from head to foot, knowing that their preparations were complete.

I was not afraid, however, but continued on my way. A group of children in front were also discussing me, and the look in their eyes was just like that in Mr. Chao's while their faces too were ghastly pale. I wondered what grudge these children could have against me to make them behave like this. I could not help calling out: "Tell me!" But then they ran away.

I wonder what grudge Mr. Chao can have against me, what grudge the people on the road can have against me. I can think of nothing except that twenty years ago I trod on Mr. Ku Chiu's1 account sheets for many years past, and Mr. Ku was very displeased. Although Mr. Chao does not know him, he must have heard talk of this and decided to avenge him, so he is conspiring against me with the people on the road, But then what of the children? At that time they were not yet born, so why should they eye me so strangely today, as if they were afraid of me, as if they wanted to murder me? This really frightens me, it is so bewildering and upsetting.

I know. They must have learned this from their parents!

III
I can't sleep at night. Everything requires careful consideration if one is to understand it.

Those people, some of whom have been pilloried by the magistrate, slapped in the face by the local gentry, had their wives taken away by bailiffs, or their parents driven to suicide by creditors, never looked as frightened and as fierce then as they did yesterday.

The most extraordinary thing was that woman on the street yesterday who spanked her son and said, "Little devil! I'd like to bite several mouthfuls out of you to work off my feelings!" Yet all the time she looked at me. I gave a start, unable to control myself; then all those green-faced, long-toothed people began to laugh derisively. Old Chen hurried forward and dragged me home.

He dragged me home. The folk at home all pretended not to know me; they had the same look in their eyes as all the others. When I went into the study, they locked the door outside as if cooping up a chicken or a duck. This incident left me even more bewildered.

A few days ago a tenant of ours from Wolf Cub Village came to report the failure of the crops, and told my elder brother that a notorious character in their village had been beaten to death; then some people had taken out his heart and liver, fried them in oil and eaten them, as a means of increasing their courage. When I interrupted, the tenant and my brother both stared at me. Only today have I realized that they had exactly the same look in their eyes as those people outside.

Just to think of it sets me shivering from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet.

They eat human beings, so they may eat me.

I see that woman's "bite several mouthfuls out of you," the laughter of those green-faced, long-toothed people and the tenant's story the other day are obviously secret signs. I realize all the poison in their speech, all the daggers in their laughter. Their teeth are white and glistening: they are all man-eaters.

It seems to me, although I am not a bad man, ever since I trod on Mr. Ku's accounts it has been touch-and-go. They seem to have secrets which I cannot guess, and once they are angry they will call anyone a bad character. I remember when my elder brother taught me to write compositions, no matter how good a man was, if I produced arguments to the contrary he would mark that passage to show his approval; while if I excused evil-doers, he would say: "Good for you, that shows originality." How can I possibly guess their secret thoughts—especially when they are ready to eat people?

Everything requires careful consideration if one is to understand it. In ancient times, as I recollect, people often ate human beings, but I am rather hazy about it. I tried to look this up, but my history has no chronology, and scrawled all over each page are the words: "Virtue and Morality." Since I could not sleep anyway, I read intently half the night, until I began to see words between the lines, the whole book being filled with the two words—"Eat people."

All these words written in the book, all the words spoken by our tenant, gaze at me strangely with an enigmatic smile.

I too am a man, and they want to eat me!

IV
In the morning I sat quietly for some time. Old Chen brought lunch in: one bowl of vegetables, one bowl of steamed fish. The eyes of the fish were white and hard, and its mouth was open just like those people who want to eat human beings. After a few mouthfuls I could not tell whether the slippery morsels were fish or human flesh, so I brought it all up.

I said, "Old Chen, tell my brother that I feel quite suffocated, and want to have a stroll in the garden." Old Chen said nothing but went out, and presently he came back and opened the gate.

I did not move, but watched to see how they would treat me, feeling certain that they would not let me go. Sure enough! My elder brother came slowly out, leading an old man. There was a murderous gleam in his eyes, and fearing that I would see it he lowered his head, stealing glances at me from the side of his spectacles.

"You seem to be very well today," said my brother.

"Yes," said I.

"I have invited Mr. Ho here today," said my brother, "to examine you."

"All right," said I. Actually I knew quite well that this old man was the executioner in disguise! He simply used the pretext of feeling my pulse to see how fat I was; for by so doing he would receive a share of my flesh. Still I was not afraid. Although I do not eat men, my courage is greater than theirs. I held out my two fists, to see what he would do. The old man sat down, closed his eyes, fumbled for some time and remained still for some time; then he opened his shifty eyes and said, "Don't let your imagination run away with you. Rest quietly for a few days, and you will be all right."

Don't let your imagination run away with you! Rest quietly for a few days! When I have grown fat, naturally they will have more to eat; but what good will it do me, or how can it be "all right"? All these people wanting to eat human flesh and at the same time stealthily trying to keep up appearances, not daring to act promptly, really made me nearly die of laughter. I could not help roaring with laughter, I was so amused. I knew that in this laughter were courage and integrity. Both the old man and my brother turned pale, awed by my courage and integrity.

But just because I am brave they are the more eager to eat me, in order to acquire some of my courage. The old man went out of the gate, but before he had gone far he said to my brother in a low voice, "To be eaten at once!" And my brother nodded. So you are in it too! This stupendous discovery, although it came as a shock, is yet no more than I had expected: the accomplice in eating me is my elder brother!

The eater of human flesh is my elder brother!

I am the younger brother of an eater of human flesh!

I myself will be eaten by others, but none the less I am the younger brother of an eater of human flesh!

V
These few days I have been thinking again: suppose that old man were not an executioner in disguise, but a real doctor; he would be none the less an eater of human flesh. In that book on herbs, written by his predecessor Li Shih-chen,2 it is clearly stated that men's flesh can he boiled and eaten; so can he still say that he does not eat men?

As for my elder brother, I have also good reason to suspect him. When he was teaching me, he said with his own lips, "People exchange their sons to eat." And once in discussing a bad man, he said that not only did he deserve to be killed, he should "have his flesh eaten and his hide slept on. . . ."3 I was still young then, and my heart beat faster for some time, he was not at all surprised by the story that our tenant from Wolf Cub Village told us the other day about eating a man's heart and liver, but kept nodding his head. He is evidently just as cruel as before. Since it is possible to "exchange sons to eat," then anything can be exchanged, anyone can be eaten. In the past I simply listened to his explanations, and let it go at that; now I know that when he explained it to me, not only was there human fat at the corner of his lips, but his whole heart was set on eating men.

VI
Pitch dark. I don't know whether it is day or night. The Chao family dog has started barking again.

The fierceness of a lion, the timidity of a rabbit, the craftiness of a fox. . . .

VII
I know their way; they are not willing to kill anyone outright, nor do they dare, for fear of the consequences. Instead they have banded together and set traps everywhere, to force me to kill myself. The behaviour of the men and women in the street a few days ago, and my elder brother's attitude these last few days, make it quite obvious. What they like best is for a man to take off his belt, and hang himself from a beam; for then they can enjoy their heart's desire without being blamed for murder. Naturally that sets them roaring with delighted laughter. On the other hand, if a man is frightened or worried to death, although that makes him rather thin, they still nod in approval.

They only eat dead flesh! I remember reading somewhere of a hideous beast, with an ugly look in its eye, called "hyena" which often eats dead flesh. Even the largest bones it grinds into fragments and swallows: the mere thought of this is enough to terrify one. Hyenas are related to wolves, and wolves belong to the canine species. The other day the dog in the Chao house looked at me several times; obviously it is in the plot too and has become their accomplice. The old man's eyes were cast down, but that did not deceive me!

The most deplorable is my elder brother. He is also a man, so why is he not afraid, why is he plotting with others to eat me? Is it that when one is used to it he no longer thinks it a crime? Or is it that he has hardened his heart to do something he knows is wrong?

In cursing man-eaters, I shall start with my brother, and in dissuading man-eaters, I shall start with him too.

VIII
Actually, such arguments should have convinced them long ago. . . .

Suddenly someone came in. He was only about twenty years old and I did not see his features very clearly. His face was wreathed in smiles, but when he nodded to me his smile did not seem genuine. I asked him "Is it right to eat human beings?"

Still smiling, he replied, "When there is no famine how can one eat human beings?"

I realized at once, he was one of them; but still I summoned up courage to repeat my question:

"Is it right?"

"What makes you ask such a thing? You really are . . fond of a joke. . . . It is very fine today."

"It is fine, and the moon is very bright. But I want to ask you: Is it right?"

He looked disconcerted, and muttered: "No...."

"No? Then why do they still do it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about? They are eating men now in Wolf Cub Village, and you can see it written all over the books, in fresh red ink."

His expression changed, and he grew ghastly pale. "It may be so," he said, staring at me. "It has always been like that. . . ."

"Is it right because it has always been like that?"

"I refuse to discuss these things with you. Anyway, you shouldn't talk about it. Whoever talks about it is in the wrong!"

I leaped up and opened my eyes wide, but the man had vanished. I was soaked with perspiration. He was much younger than my elder brother, but even so he was in it. He must have been taught by his parents. And I am afraid he has already taught his son: that is why even the children look at me so fiercely.

IX
Wanting to eat men, at the same time afraid of being eaten themselves, they all look at each other with the deepest suspicion. . . .

How comfortable life would be for them if they could rid themselves of such obsessions and go to work, walk, eat and sleep at ease. They have only this one step to take. Yet fathers and sons, hu*****ands and wives, brothers, friends, teachers and students, sworn enemies and even strangers, have all joined in this conspiracy, discouraging and preventing each other from taking this step.

X
Early this morning I went to look for my elder brother. He was standing outside the hall door looking at the sky, when I walked up behind him, stood between him and the door, and with exceptional poise and politeness said to him:

"Brother, I have something to say to you."

"Well, what is it?" he asked, quickly turning towards me and nodding.

"It is very little, but I find it difficult to say. Brother, probably all primitive people ate a little human flesh to begin with. Later, because their outlook changed, some of them stopped, and because they tried to be good they changed into men, changed into real men. But some are still eating—just like reptiles. Some have changed into fish, birds, monkeys and finally men; but some do not try to be good and remain reptiles still. When those who eat men compare themselves with those who do not, how ashamed they must be. Probably much more ashamed than the reptiles are before monkeys.

"In ancient times Yi Ya boiled his son for Chieh and Chou to eat; that is the old story.4 But actually since the creation of heaven and earth by Pan Ku men have been eating each other, from the time of Yi Ya's son to the time of Hsu Hsi-lin,5 and from the time of Hsu Hsi-lin down to the man caught in Wolf Cub Village. Last year they executed a criminal in the city, and a consumptive soaked a piece of bread in his blood and sucked it.

"They want to eat me, and of course you can do nothing about it single-handed; but why should you join them? As man-eaters they are capable of anything. If they eat me, they can eat you as well; members of the same group can still eat each other. But if you will just change your ways immediately, then everyone will have peace. Although this has been going on since time immemorial, today we could make a special effort to be good, and say this is not to be done! I'm sure you can say so, brother. The other day when the tenant wanted the rent reduced, you said it couldn't be done."

At first he only smiled cynically, then a murderous gleam came into his eyes, and when I spoke of their secret his face turned pale. Outside the gate stood a group of people, including Mr. Chao and his dog, all craning their necks to peer in. I could not see all their faces, for they seemed to be masked in cloths; some of them looked pale and ghastly still, concealing their laughter. I knew they were one band, all eaters of human flesh. But I also knew that they did not all think alike by any means. Some of them thought that since it had always been so, men should be eaten. Some of them knew that they should not eat men, but still wanted to; and they were afraid people might discover their secret; thus when they heard me they became angry, but they still smiled their. cynical, tight-lipped smile.

Suddenly my brother looked furious, and shouted in a loud voice:

"Get out of here, all of you! What is the point of looking at a madman?"

Then I realized part of their cunning. They would never be willing to change their stand, and their plans were all laid; they had stigmatized me as a madman. In future when I was eaten, not only would there be no trouble, but people would probably be grateful to them. When our tenant spoke of the villagers eating a bad character, it was exactly the same device. This is their old trick.

Old Chen came in too, in a great temper, but they could not stop my mouth, I had to speak to those people:

"You should change, change from the bottom of your hearts!" I said. "You most know that in future there will be no place for man-eaters in the world.

"If you don't change, you may all be eaten by each other. Although so many are born, they will be wiped out by the real men, just like wolves killed by hunters. Just like reptiles!"

Old Chen drove everybody away. My brother had disappeared. Old Chen advised me to go back to my room. The room was pitch dark. The beams and rafters shook above my head. After shaking for some time they grew larger. They piled on top of me.

The weight was so great, I could not move. They meant that I should die. I knew that the weight was false, so I struggled out, covered in perspiration. But I had to say:

"You should change at once, change from the bottom of your hearts! You must know that in future there will be no place for man-eaters in the world . . . ."

XI
The sun does not shine, the door is not opened, every day two meals.

I took up my chopsticks, then thought of my elder brother; I know now how my little sister died: it was all through him. My sister was only five at the time. I can still remember how lovable and pathetic she looked. Mother cried and cried, but he begged her not to cry, probably because he had eaten her himself, and so her crying made him feel ashamed. If he had any sense of shame. . . .

My sister was eaten by my brother, but I don't know whether mother realized it or not.

I think mother must have known, but when she cried she did not say so outright, probably because she thought it proper too. I remember when I was four or five years old, sitting in the cool of the hall, my brother told me that if a man's parents were ill, he should cut off a piece of his flesh and boil it for them if he wanted to be considered a good son; and mother did not contradict him. If one piece could be eaten, obviously so could the whole. And yet just to think of the mourning then still makes my heart bleed; that is the extraordinary thing about it!

XII
I can't bear to think of it.

I have only just realized that I have been living all these years in a place where for four thousand years they have been eating human flesh. My brother had just taken over the charge of the house when our sister died, and he may well have used her flesh in our rice and dishes, making us eat it unwittingly.

It is possible that I ate several pieces of my sister's flesh unwittingly, and now it is my turn, . . .

How can a man like myself, after four thousand years of man-caring history—even though I knew nothing about it at first—ever hope to face real men?

XIII
Perhaps there are still children who have not eaten men? Save the children. . . .

April 1918


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Notes
1. Ku Chiu means "Ancient Times." Lu Hsun had in mind the long history of feudal oppression in China.

2. A famous pharmacologist (1518-1593), author of Ben-cao-gang-mu, the Materia Medica.

3. These are quotations from the old classic Zuo Zhuan.

4. According to ancient records, Yi Ya cooked his son and presented him to Duke Huan of Chi who reigned from 685 to 643 B.C. Chieh and Chou were tyrants of an earlier age. The madman has made a mistake here.

5. A revolutionary at the end of the Ching dynasty (1644-1911), Hsu Hsi-lin was executed in 1907 for assassinating a Ching official. His heart and liver were eaten.


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一

　　今天晚上，很好的月光。

　　我不見他，已是三十多年；今天見了，精神分外爽快。才知道以前的三十多年，
全是發昏；然而須十分小心。不然，那趙家的狗，何以看我兩眼呢？

　　我怕得有理。


二

　　今天全沒月光，我知道不妙。早上小心出門，趙貴翁的眼色便怪：似乎怕我，似
乎想害我。還有七八個人，交頭接耳的議論我，張著嘴，對我笑了一笑；我便從頭直
冷到腳根，曉得他們佈置，都已妥當了。

　　我可不怕，仍舊走我的路。前面一夥小孩子，也在那裡議論我；眼色也同趙貴翁
一樣，臉色也鐵青。我想我同小孩子有什麼仇，他也這樣。忍不住大聲説，“你告訴
我！”他們可就跑了。

　　我想：我同趙貴翁有什麼仇，同路上的人又有什麼仇；只有廿年以前，把古久先
生的陳年流水簿子，踹了一腳，古久先生很不高興。趙貴翁雖然不認識他，一定也聽
到風聲，代抱不平；約定路上的人，同我作冤對。但是小孩子呢？那時候，他們還沒
有出世，何以今天也睜著怪眼睛，似乎怕我，似乎想害我。這真教我怕，教我納罕而
且傷心。

　　我明白了。這是他們娘老子教的！


三

　　晚上總是睡不著。凡事須得研究，才會明白。

　　他們——也有給知縣打枷過的，也有給紳士掌過嘴的，也有衙役佔了他妻子的，
也有老子娘被債主逼死的；他們那時候的臉色，全沒有昨天這麼怕，也沒有這麼凶。

　　最奇怪的是昨天街上的那個女人，打他兒子，嘴裡説道，“老子呀！我要咬你幾
口才出氣！”他眼睛卻看著我。我出了一驚，遮掩不住；那青面獠牙的一夥人，便都
哄笑起來。陳老五趕上前，硬把我拖回家中了。

　　拖我回家，家裡的人都裝作不認識我；他們的臉色，也全同別人一樣。進了書房
，便反扣上門，宛然是關了一隻雞鴨。這一件事，越教我猜不出底細。

　　前幾天，狼子村的佃戶來告荒，對我大哥説，他們村裡的一個大惡人，給大家打
死了；幾個人便挖出他的心肝來，用油煎炒了吃，可以壯壯膽子。我插了一句嘴，佃
戶和大哥便都看我幾眼。今天才曉得他們的眼光，全同外面的那夥人一模一樣。

　　想起來，我從頂上直冷到腳跟。

　　他們會吃人，就未必不會吃我。

　　你看那女人“咬你幾口”的話，和一夥青面獠牙人的笑，和前天佃戶的話，明明
是暗號。我看出他話中全是毒，笑中全是刀。他們的牙齒，全是白厲厲的排著，這就
是吃人的傢夥。

　　照我自己想，雖然不是惡人，自從踹了古家的簿子，可就難説了。他們似乎別有
心思，我全猜不出。況且他們一翻臉，便説人是惡人。我還記得大哥教我做論，無論
怎樣好人，翻他幾句，他便打上幾個圈；原諒壞人幾句，他便説“翻天妙手，與眾不
同”。我那裡猜得到他們的心思，究竟怎樣；況且是要吃的時候。

　　凡事總須研究，才會明白。古來時常吃人，我也還記得，可是不甚清楚。我翻開
歷史一查，這歷史沒有年代，歪歪斜斜的每頁上都寫著“仁義道德”幾個字。我橫豎
睡不著，仔細看了半夜，才從字縫裡看出字來，滿本都寫著兩個字是“吃人”！

　　書上寫著這許多字，佃戶説了這許多話，卻都笑吟吟的睜著怪眼看我。

　　我也是人，他們想要吃我了！


四

　　早上，我靜坐了一會兒。陳老五送進飯來，一碗菜，一碗蒸魚；這魚的眼睛，白
而且硬，張著嘴，同那一夥想吃人的人一樣。吃了幾筷，滑溜溜的不知是魚是人，便
把他兜肚連腸的吐出。

　　我説“老五，對大哥説，我悶得慌，想到園裡走走。”老五不答應，走了；停一
會，可就來開了門。

　　我也不動，研究他們如何擺佈我；知道他們一定不肯放鬆。果然！我大哥引了一
個老頭子，慢慢走來；他滿眼凶光，怕我看出，只是低頭向著地，從眼鏡橫邊暗暗看
我。大哥説，“今天你彷彿很好。”我説“是的。”大哥説，“今天請何先生來，給
你診一診。”我説“可以！”其實我豈不知道這老頭子是劊子手扮的！無非借了看脈
這名目，揣一揣肥瘠：因這功勞，也分一片肉吃。我也不怕；雖然不吃人，膽子卻比
他們還壯。伸出兩個拳頭，看他如何下手。老頭子坐著，閉了眼睛，摸了好一會，呆
了好一會；便張開他鬼眼睛説，“不要亂想。靜靜的養幾天，就好了。”

　　不要亂想，靜靜的養！養肥了，他們是自然可以多吃；我有什麼好處，怎麼會“好
了”？他們這群人，又想吃人，又是鬼鬼祟祟，想法子遮掩，不敢直截下手，真要令
我笑死。我忍不住，便放聲大笑起來，十分快活。自己曉得這笑聲裏面，有的是義勇
和正氣。老頭子和大哥，都失了色，被我這勇氣正氣鎮壓住了。

　　但是我有勇氣，他們便越想吃我，沾光一點這勇氣。老頭子跨出門，走不多遠，
便低聲對大哥説道，“趕緊吃罷！”大哥點點頭。原來也有你！這一件大發見，雖似
意外，也在意中：合夥吃我的人，便是我的哥哥！

　　吃人的是我哥哥！

　　我是吃人的人的兄弟！

　　我自己被人吃了，可仍然是吃人的人的兄弟！


五

　　這幾天是退一步想：假使那老頭子不是劊子手扮的，真是醫生，也仍然是吃人的
人。他們的祖師李時珍做的“本草什麼”上，明明寫著人肉可以煎吃；他還能説自己
不吃人麼？

　　至於我家大哥，也毫不冤枉他。他對我講書的時候，親口説過可以“易子而食”；
又一回偶然議論起一個不好的人，他便説不但該殺，還當“食肉寢皮”。我那時年紀
還小，心跳了好半天。前天狼子村佃戶來説吃心肝的事，他也毫不奇怪，不住的點頭。
可見心思是同從前一樣狠。既然可以“易子而食”，便什麼都易得，什麼人都吃得。
我從前單聽他講道理，也胡塗過去；現在曉得他講道理的時候，不但唇邊還抹著人油，
而且心裡滿裝著吃人的意思。


六

　　黑漆漆的，不知是日是夜。趙家的狗又叫起來了。

　　獅子似的凶心，兔子的怯弱，狐狸的狡猾，……


七

　　我曉得他們的方法，直捷殺了，是不肯的，而且也不敢，怕有禍祟。所以他們大
家聯絡，佈滿了羅網，逼我自戕。試看前幾天街上男女的樣子，和這幾天我大哥的作
為，便足可悟出八九分了。最好是解下腰帶，掛在樑上，自己緊緊勒死；他們沒有殺
人的罪名，又償了心願，自然都歡天喜地的發出一種嗚嗚咽咽的笑聲。否則驚嚇憂愁
死了，雖則略瘦，也還可以首肯幾下。

　　他們是只會吃死肉的！——記得什麼書上説，有一種東西，叫"海乙那"的，眼光
和樣子都很難看；時常吃死肉，連極大的骨頭，都細細嚼爛，嚥下肚子去，想起來也
教人害怕。"海乙那"是狼的親眷，狼是狗的本家。前天趙家的狗，看我幾眼，可見他
也同謀，早已接洽。老頭子眼看著地，豈能瞞得我過。

　　最可憐的是我的大哥，他也是人，何以毫不害怕；而且合夥吃我呢？還是歷來慣
了，不以為非呢？還是喪了良心，明知故犯呢？

　　我詛咒吃人的人，先從他起頭；要勸轉吃人的人，也先從他下手。


八

　　其實這種道理，到了現在，他們也該早已懂得，……

　　忽然來了一個人；年紀不過二十左右，相貌是不很看得清楚，滿面笑容，對了我
點頭，他的笑也不像真笑。我便問他，“吃人的事，對麼？”他仍然笑著説，“不是
荒年，怎麼會吃人。”我立刻就曉得，他也是一夥，喜歡吃人的；便自勇氣百倍，偏
要問他。

　　“對麼？”

　　“這等事問他什麼。你真會……説笑話。……今天天氣很好。”

　　天氣是好，月色也很亮了。可是我要問你，“對麼？”

　　他不以為然了。含含糊胡的答道，“不……”

　　“不對？他們何以竟吃？！”

　　“沒有的事……”

　　“沒有的事？狼子村現吃；還有書上都寫著，通紅斬新！”

　　他便變了臉，鐵一般青。睜著眼説，“有許有的，這是從來如此……”

　　“從來如此，便對麼？”

　　“我不同你講這些道理；總之你不該説，你説便是你錯！”

　　我直跳起來，張開眼，這人便不見了。全身出了一大片汗。他的年紀，比我大哥
小得遠，居然也是一夥；這一定是他娘老子先教的。還怕已經教給他兒子了；所以連
小孩子，也都惡狠狠的看我。


九

　　自己想吃人，又怕被別人吃了，都用著疑心極深的眼光，面面相覷。……

　　去了這心思，放心做事走路吃飯睡覺，何等舒服。這只是一條門檻，一個關頭。
他們可是父子兄弟夫婦朋友師生仇敵和各不相識的人，都結成一夥，互相勸勉，互相
牽掣，死也不肯跨過這一步。


十

　　大清早，去尋我大哥；他立在堂門外看天，我便走到他背後，攔住門，格外沉靜，
格外和氣的對他説，

　　“大哥，我有話告訴你。”

　　“你説就是，”他趕緊回過臉來，點點頭。

　　“我只有幾句話，可是説不出來。大哥，大約當初野蠻的人，都吃過一點人。後
來因為心思不同，有的不吃人了，一味要好，便變了人，變了真的人。有的卻還吃，——
也同蟲子一樣，有的變了魚鳥猴子，一直變到人。有的不要好，至今還是蟲子。這吃
人的人比不吃人的人，何等慚愧。怕比蟲子的慚愧猴子，還差得很遠很遠。

　　“易牙蒸了他兒子，給桀紂吃，還是一直從前的事。誰曉得從盤古開闢天地以後，
一直吃到易牙的兒子；從易牙的兒子，一直吃到徐錫林；從徐錫林，又一直吃到狼子
村捉住的人。去年城裡殺了犯人，還有一個生癆病的人，用饅頭蘸血舐。

　　“他們要吃我，你一個人，原也無法可想；然而又何必去入夥。吃人的人，什麼
事做不出；他們會吃我，也會吃你，一夥裏面，也會自吃。但只要轉一步，只要立刻
改了，也就是人人太平。雖然從來如此，我們今天也可以格外要好，説是不能！大哥，
我相信你能説，前天佃戶要減租，你説過不能。”

　　當初，他還只是冷笑，隨後眼光便兇狠起來，一到説破他們的隱情，那就滿臉都
變成青色了。大門外立著一夥人，趙貴翁和他的狗，也在裏面，都探頭探腦的挨進來。
有的是看不出面貌，似乎用布蒙著；有的是仍舊青面獠牙，抿著嘴笑。我認識他們是
一夥，都是吃人的人。可是也曉得他們心思很不一樣，一種是以為從來如此，應該吃
的；一種是知道不該吃，可是仍然要吃，又怕別人説破他，所以聽了我的話，越發氣
憤不過，可是抿著嘴冷笑。

　　這時候，大哥也忽然顯出凶相，高聲喝道，

　　“都出去！瘋子有什麼好看！”

　　這時候，我又懂得一件他們的巧妙了。他們豈但不肯改，而且早已佈置；預備下
一個瘋子的名目罩上我。將來吃了，不但太平無事，怕還會有人見情。佃戶説的大家
吃了一個惡人，正是這方法。這是他們的老譜！

　　陳老五也氣憤憤的直走進來。如何按得住我的口，我偏要對這夥人説，

　　“你們可以改了，從真心改起！要曉得將來容不得吃人的人，活在世上。

　　“你們要不改，自己也會吃盡。即使生得多，也會給真的人除滅了，同獵人打完
狼子一樣！——同蟲子一樣！”

　　那一夥人，都被陳老五趕走了。大哥也不知那裡去了。陳老五勸我回屋子裡去。
屋裡面全是黑沉沉的。橫樑和椽子都在頭上發抖；抖了一會，就大起來，堆在我身上。

　　萬分沉重，動彈不得；他的意思是要我死。我曉得他的沉重是假的，便掙紮出來，
出了一身汗。可是偏要説，

　　“你們立刻改了，從真心改起！你們要曉得將來是容不得吃人的人，……”


十一

　　太陽也不出，門也不開，日日是兩頓飯。

　　我捏起筷子，便想起我大哥；曉得妹子死掉的緣故，也全在他。那時我妹子才五
歲，可愛可憐的樣子，還在眼前。母親哭個不住，他卻勸母親不要哭；大約因為自己
吃了，哭起來不免有點過意不去。如果還能過意不去，……

　　妹子是被大哥吃了，母親知道沒有，我可不得而知。

　　母親想也知道；不過哭的時候，卻並沒有説明，大約也以為應當的了。記得我四
五歲時，坐在堂前乘涼，大哥説爺娘生病，做兒子的須割下一片肉來，煮熟了請他吃，
才算好人；母親也沒有説不行。一片吃得，整個的自然也吃得。但是那天的哭法，現
在想起來，實在還教人傷心，這真是奇極的事！


十二

　　不能想了。

　　四千年來時時吃人的地方，今天才明白，我也在其中混了多年；大哥正管著家務，
妹子恰恰死了，他未必不和在飯菜裡，暗暗給我們吃。

　　我未必無意之中，不吃了我妹子的幾片肉，現在也輪到我自己，……

　　有了四千年吃人履歷的我，當初雖然不知道，現在明白，難見真的人！


十三

　　沒有吃過人的孩子，或者還有？

　　救救孩子……

一九一八年四月。