周末一笑: 新手上班

1 新手上班

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small-crowed standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let’s get off the corner people.” A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let’s get off that corner…NOW!” Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first officer act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good,” chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop."

 

2 只听上帝的安排

A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!

He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG!

So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.

The deep voice says: OPEN!

0k，the man thinks, let’s open the thing. He finds a rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins.

The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO!

Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino.

The deep voice says:  ROULETTE!

So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief.

The deep voice says: 27!

He takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly bursts. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball. The ball stays at the 26.

Finally, the deep voice says: This is called BAD LUCK! My son!
  

3 我的房间在哪？

A deaf couple checks into a motel very late at night. Upon moving into their assigned room, they go to bed. But in the middle of the night, the woman has a headache, so she goes into the bathroom for aspirin. But she finds none,and remembers that the bottle of aspirin is still in the car. Afraid to go out alone at night, she awakens her husband and asks him to go and get the aspirin from the car. The very groggy husband puts on his robe and toddles wearily outside. He finds the bottle of aspirin in the car's glove compartment, and gets ready to go back to the room when he realizes something: he can’t remember which room was his.

He thinks and thinks and then gets an idea. He opens the car again and honks the steering wheel horn several times. Within a minute, all the motel’s windows lighten up--except one window, and of course, he makes for the room with that window.

 

4 法官的手表
A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left it on my desk in my bedroom."

When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him, "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn’t sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?"

"What?” said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"

"I gave it to the first man,” said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was."

 

5 美女上班
A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed. The blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away.

The supervisor checked up at the end of the day and found that she had completed four miles on her first day, double the average! "Great,” he told her, "I think you are really going to work out.” The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only did two miles. The supervisor thought, "She is still above the average. I should not discourage her. I'd better keep silence first.” In the third day, the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, "I need to talk to her before this gets any worse.”

The boss talked to the new employee and said, "You were doing so great. The first day you did four miles, the second day two miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Is there a problem? What’s keeping you from meeting the two-mile minimum?" The blonde replied, "Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the paint bucket.”

 

6 寄给上帝的信
A little boy wanted one hundred dollar for a bicycle very badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the money. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to the president. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a five bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted wish the five-dollar bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord, which read:

Dear Lord，

Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted ninety-five dollars.

Love, Roger

(from Internet)