周末一笑: It’s the Law

1 这是个法律问题 It’s the Law

A slender, delicate, immaculately dressed Englishman was explaining to the visiting American about British law. "You know, homosexuality was once considered so heinous in Britain that it was punishable by execution. Only 100 years ago, it was reduced to a misdemeanor, and about 50 years ago, decriminalized altogether. . . Personally, I shan't be satisfied till it's mandatory! "

 

2 也要谦虚为怀 And Modest Too

"The man I marry must be as wise as Solomon, as mighty as Hercules, as brave as Admiral Nelson, and as graceful as Nureyev.”

"How fortunate we met!”

 

3 爬得越跌得越重 The Bigger They Are the Harder They Fall

The psychiatrist was a bit perturbed. He had cured his patient of his delusions but still the man did not seem happy.

"What's the matter, Mr. Jones?" he inquired. "Aren't you glad to be dealing with the world realistically?"

"Oh, sure. Doc, sure....  Only, last year I was Genghis Khan(成吉思汗) and now I' m nobody ! "

 

4 不费吹灰之力 NO Sweat!

There were four passengers in the small aircraft as it sputtered over the Andes; a businessman, an inventor, a priest and a laid -back budget traveler.

Suddenly the pilot entered the cabin and told them the horrible news: "Gentlemen, the plane is going down.  I'm going to try to crash-land it, but you must all jump. "

Naturally, the men were horrified and even more so when they discovered that there were only three parachutes.

The businessman said, "Sirs, I employ thousands of people. Their lives and those of their families depend on me. I think you'll agree that I must survive. “He promptly put on a parachute and leaped.

The inventor rose, already adjusting the straps. "I'm the smartest man in the world. My inventions have transformed the lives of millions.  There’s no telling how much good I may yet do.  Goodbye. “And he, too, jumped from the plane.

The priest was serene, and interrupted his prayers to speak to the traveler.  "I am a man of God, my son; I have no fear of death. Take the last parachute and save your life. "

"Hey, it’s cool, Father.  There’re still two parachutes left. The smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane wearing my backpack. "

 

5 哇！那个真是大得吓人 Wow! That's a Bi g One!

One day a tourist walked into a Texas tavern and ordered a shot of whiskey. The bartender put a big tumbler full of whiskey in front of him.

"What’s this?" asked the tourist.

"Why, it’s a shot of whiskey! Don't you know that everything is big in Texas?"

Then, an armadillo ran past the door.

“What was that?" asked the tourist.

"Why, that was a Texas cockroach.”

By this time, the whiskey had gone to the tourist's bladder as well as his head, and he asked the location of the bathroom. The bartender directed him to go down the hall and to the right, but the tourist turned left instead and fell into the swimming pool.

The bartender heard the splash and went to investigate. As he put his head in the door, he heard the tourist cry. "Don’t flush the toilet!”

 

6 你能不能快一点？ Could You Hurry It up a little?

A man and his wife were cleaning out the attic when the husband found an ancient receipt.

"Hey, Nancy, look at this. It's a receipt for a pair of shoes I left to be repaired and never picked up. It’s eleven years old."

"You know, that shoe repair shop is still there," replied the wife.

"Why don't you just drop in there and hand him the receipt as if it were nothing unusual.”

And that is what the husband did. Quietly the cobbler went to the back of his shop and poked around a bit, came back to the counter and said "They’ll be ready next Tuesday.”

 

(from Internet)