My Guess

- if you give a man a fish, he will be totally weeded out.

It might ralate to the proverb "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

 

- When a lord comes back, he would be driving a car with a bumper sticker that says: "What would I do?" and he should have his papers ready, because his name is Jesus (with strange pronunciation, he sues?).

This one might relate to first joke. Lord should have a humble bumper sticker. He should have his immigrant papers ready because Jesus(prounced Hay-Soose) is common in Mexican names. 

 

Just google results and my guess.