Some suggestions to Elian

Hi, Elian:

Sorry, I don't have Chinese input software in my office PC, so I can only post response in English.

I understand your concern. I had the a very painful experience :

My mom proactively suggested that she could help me and came to live with us for a month when I had my first child.

My mom used to be a teacher and is very dominated and determining while I'm a nice, shy person knowing nothing about how to confront others.

It turned out to be a nightmare !

My hu*****and and my mom are so different, they generated a lot of argument during my Yue4 Zi3 ( the 1st month after delivery) because they always had different ideas in how to take care of me and baby (they both are willing to do housework but only in their way !) and have different value ( my hubby is generous and don’t mind to spend  $$$$ on family – spend on & give $$$$ to his and my parents and me while my mom is more Jie2 Sheng3). I really appreciated my mom's help but was put in the middle of them. Every day, I tried to please/calm down both sides when they're mad about each other. I even tried to do the housework by myself that they both put down due to disagreement. I cried several times during that month and couldn't have a good rest. Both my hubby and my mom love me. But it's a true torture when you see your loved ones hate each other and you’re physically weak to do something. When they found out that I was suffering from their disagreement/argument, they stopped arguing in front of me. But they still don't like each other and kept saying something bad about each other behind his/her back. I was very depressed and sick during that month. After a few years, after I did much extra work to help them understand each other's kindness, they started to talk with and care about each other again. But it does take a while to repair their relationship.

My opinion----- sometimes, people can't get along with each other but it doesn't mean that they're not good and decent persons.  Even good persons can't get along either.  It's hard to say that's who's fault. Maybe we all should take some responsibilities. Cats don't make friends with dogs but they all are good pets.

My suggestion -----

1. call off your mom's offering. Your mom is getting old. She should enjoy her retirement life. To take care of a new-born + a new mom is way too exhausting to your mom. 

2. You can hire a housekeeper to do the cleanup and iron your hubby's clothes and even cook ! It may cost a lot but it's definitely worth it ! You mom can go see the baby and you during weekend and bring you some Chinese-style food/soup that is good for your recovery.

3. Besides, your hubby need to take a class about how to take care of new baby ( some hospitals may have that class). He is the one who need to take care of you and the baby.

4. No one can push his/her responsibilities as a hu*****and and father/wife and mother to the in-laws and then complain that the in-laws don't do well. Whoever in the family helps you, please appreciate their love and help.

5. Please try to be considerate and view things in a positive way. Support, understanding, care, trust and compromise are more important in communication than compliant and arguments. When your loved ones have arguments, try your best to find a SOLUTION instead of standing in one side to blame the other one. Your goal is to help family member LOVE, UNDERSTAND and APPRECIATE each other, not to accumulate hatred and misunderstanding.

It's not easy to be a mom. After taking care of your own baby, you'll appreciate your mom's love even more than you did before.