和乙的进展—单妈的困惑

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就说比较具体的事吧， 上次和大家说了甲和乙的故事后，很快就和甲说了实话对他没有感觉了，我确实也是这样感觉的，所以和甲很快就分开了，我也没有精力和时间周旋在两人之间，就和乙认真相处了，再简单说下乙的情况（白男，38， 1.85米，体型正常，不算非常  fit ， 但我很喜欢他的样子，他23岁获得  JD , 从此一直坐律师,在企业,政府both作过,最近几年自己开自己的小事务所接案子,人很聪敏,但也有些自负,有过11年婚姻,半年前离婚,前妻是日本人,前妻也有不错的工作, 有一男孩,白男现在自己抚养孩子, 他很爱那个孩子,….所以减少工作量）,和他相处了3-4个月了,我现在很难下决定到底要不要和他继续走下去. 我喜欢他的是1)就是挺喜欢他,说不清楚为什么,想天天看到他,和他说话:2)他知道挺多事情, 当然做了那么多年律师,对美国社会的行为做事显然比我清楚的多;我很多事情问他,他都能告诉我怎么办..他也很愿意花时间和我解释很多东西:3)他的英文说的极其清晰,这可能很多人不能体会到我的意思,但我本人也一直在大得企业里和白人接触了10多年了也约会过一些白男,我知道有不同,我听他的英文非常清晰,这当然在和我的交流上加了分;4)我和他性生活很满意,  this is important to me, 他在这方面很有技能,我们只要一起过夜,总会有3次左右一个晚上,而且乐此不疲.他不在我身边的时候,我对他很有渴望,他也一样. 5)很关键的一点,他很喜欢我的孩子,他的男孩也和我的女儿相处非常好,他们只差一岁,我的女儿也很喜欢和他们在一起.6)他本人很愿意多花时间在孩子身上,不论是监督做功课,还是带他的孩子打网球,长期费时费钱的打….他多次表示他很愿意花相同的精力在我女儿身上…

很有犹豫的是1) 觉得他很爱他的儿子,他儿子7岁,他们现在晚上都睡在一张床上,他还和我说他和他儿子很enjoy sleep together, he told me it is something hard for him to push his son away to not sleep with him( when I heard this, I just can’t believe my ears), but he also likes to sleep with me, so he is in conflict, he also walks his son to and back from school everyday, and he said he really enjoys to do so and doesn’t want to giving up walking his son to school  and back from school,    常和我说his parenting theory is parent should most time put kids need as PRIORITY, he said he will most time think about what his son and my daughter(if we live together) want at first, because that is what he believes the great parent should do..,   这个可行吗正常吗？我经常想那我的位置在哪?????  2) 经济情况:他说他前10几年压力太大因为律师行业,所以他已经对律师没有任何激情了,他想改行,做something he will really enjoy to do, like teacher, tennis coach or start another business,  he said  he is tired to do something he needs to do just because financial pressure, that is why he supports saving money and he paid off his house and car and he doesn’t like to have  much monthly financial obligation, and he also said he doesn’t dream to have a quite big  house or something luxury, all he loves is sports car and big TV, 我们已经很具体谈到以后在一起的经济了,我年薪税前大概20 万,他很清楚我的收入和储蓄情况, 他说不管他做什么,但他会每月带进家庭3000-4000的净收入,他完全付清了他的房子,大概20多万,车子4万多完全付清, 存款有一些,但不是非常多,他说他就want a life without much financial pressure, 我的收入因为是在公司做,和大多数人一样,没问题了就没问题,裁员的风险时而都是会有的, 也许我的收入能这样下去很多年,如果他can help me to support the family from taking care kids standpoint , then I very likely will have less worry on my current daily crazy schedule from my full time job and my kid, so I should be able to commit more on my career , which is something I might want (don’t hate) to do,我愿意在事业上再加把力,但谁知道呢, 大公司的事很难说.总之和他在一起以后,我会是primary financial contributor to the house, while he suggest to have both sides put equal amount of money to joint acct, so he doesn’t want either of us think someone is taking someone’s financial advantage,,,then of course I will have more left from my side, and he said I can do whatever I want for my rest of my money ( I a little doubt, but this is what he said),我还有房,有车但都没付完,没付完不是因为没钱付完,而是把钱放到其他地方了,总之我的净资产全部算上(房,车,贷款,储蓄,401k等等),净资产比他多.

 

我不知道我因该多想想我的孩子而在继续和他相处下去呢,因为我确实需要一个男性to be with me and my daughter certainly needs more care and attention,,还是多想想我对 my Mr. Right的期望 and keep looking ,我当然希望my Mr. right can make more or at least same amount of money as I do,  and also I also hope my Mr. right can also think about my interest as priority but too much of kids' interest... but if I find another guy who also works in corporate and make good money, then who is going to take care my daughter? Maybe I can work less then if I find a guy who is better finally than this guy is, but another thing is I don’t want to give birth again; can next guy be ok with it? This guy and I both don’t want more kids…., 很很矛盾,我不知道我还能遇到一个愿意对我孩子花很多精力,对方也有同龄孩子,所以双方孩子都能晚在一起很好的人吗?我是不是该为孩子妥协我对   Mr, right的一些期望值

Thanks a lot for your comments .