给老公的一封信

自从发表了贴子- "男人的坏脾气改得掉吗?怎么该?" 以后，大家给了我许多建议，但最多的就是两条路-要么忍，要么离婚。我想了很久，觉得我绝对不能容忍，也暂时不想离婚。容忍他会使他的脾气更坏，这对他的身心健康，家庭事业都没好处；我们有年幼的孩子，而且我们还有感情，离婚现在也不是上策。我决定走第三条路，多多交流，努力帮他改。他以前曾有过想改的意向，但他改不了。这第三条是所有人都说不可能的，但是我不试一试，怎么知道结果?

我决定主要以写信的方式来帮助他，也会冷静的当面跟他谈。老公毕竟受过高等教育，道理他应该懂的。跟他当面讲道理容易伤他面子，写email不会有这问题。而且读的时候人会比较冷静，可能更容易接受。

在今后的日子里，我会经常用这个方法。我决定走第三条路了，谢谢大家对我的关心和帮助。我不会再贴任何贴子了。下面是给老公的第一封信，我讲得非常委婉，只点了一点他，而且用他感兴趣的话题开始，已经给他发过去了，给大家过过目吧。以后还会写第二封，第三封。也许将来能凑成本书给儿子看。

Hi Honey,

 

 

Because we have not had time to sit down to communicate lately, I want to send you an email to express what's been on my mind.

 

 

I want to discuss with you about leadership skills as you want to start your own business some day and be successful at it. In fact I think this skill is critical for anything in life including your current job and our family.

 

We don't always have choices in our environment including our job situations and other people's responses, but we can always choose our attitude. One's ability to choose one's attitude will eventually lead to one's chances of success in life. This is a critical leadership skill. We don't want to simply react to our environment, because between the outside environment and us, there is a GAP - it is our power to choose. It is this power that differentiates us from the animals. This is why we have ultimate potentials as human beings. The greater of this gap for a person, the greater chance of his/her success in life. No matter what life gives us, we can always choose to be pleasant and cheerful.

 

 

Even in the negative environment, we can choose to be calm, and not to choose anger. Because anger is our enemy, it blurs our vision and sometimes leads us to act impulsively and results in irreversible situations. Whenever we let our anger take over us, we have lost the battle inside of us already. We have already failed in the first step in whatever we want to achieve. So we always want to watch ourselves, whenever our anger raises its ugly head, we have to exercise our choices to not choose it. We can always look at the positive sides of the things and laugh at our anger and diminish it. For sure, it is always easy to say than done, but practice will make it perfect.  

  

 

As you know, I am not a perfect person. I don't always act calmly and don't exercise my power to choose as often as I want to. But I want to improve myself. I hope you are in the same boat with me. 

 

Love,

XXX