这样行吗?请斧正！

I have been promoted for a year and I did exhibit management skills such as blabla... our department did have significant achievements. (See attachment). For the reasons above, I may deserve a better review. Furthermore, I would like to know any/all the expectation you have from me. I will do my best and work towards to fulfilling them. If you think it’s necessarily, I can set a work plan and follow up with you to better achieve the company’s goals as well as improve my own personal performance.