the feeling of giving up

I have been leading a minority program for the past 2 years. Have to fight for it every step of the way. Today, I realized that I did give it up despite all the communications and encouragement from my direct superviser. The feeling actually is quite relaxing.

I scheduled a meeting with sr management to discuss how to move to the next step. I somehow felt like a spirit detached from my body and watching a show during the meeting. I was almost a zombie although I presented, answered questions. I was smiling most of the time. But my mind was not there at all. By the end, as usual, I did not get exactly what I wanted but was not completely turned down either. If it were several days ago, I'd be mad again because this meeting to me was a complete waste of time since no decision was made. But today, this detachment simply made me indifferent to whatever happened. My boss seems more eager to move it forward than I do now. I personally do not think this is a good sign for the program, not a healthy situation anyway. But just wonder, if the sr people realize what is going on with me, would they think it is good or bad? Can anyone be a good leader without a passion for what he/she does? Just wonder.